


They Can't Know About Us

by lpb27



Category: One Direction
Genre: Child Abuse, Comforting/Acceptence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fighting, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self Harm, Slurs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28422753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lpb27/pseuds/lpb27
Summary: hi all!this isn't finished, so I'll be coming back and uploading chapters whenever I get around to editing :)thank you for reading!also, follow my twitter and titkok!twitter: @adoremelaurtiktok: @twoghostsonehallwayenjoy!
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi all!
> 
> this isn't finished, so I'll be coming back and uploading chapters whenever I get around to editing :)
> 
> thank you for reading! 
> 
> also, follow my twitter and titkok!  
> twitter: @adoremelaur  
> tiktok: @twoghostsonehallway 
> 
> enjoy!

Harry’s hands grips the smooth leather of the steering wheel as he turns into a driveway that connects to a large stone cottage. He brings his lips together and breathes in deeply. He has to prepare for three weeks of screaming children and nagging from his family. 

He parks behind a new black Range Rover and decides to sit in his car for a bit, avoiding spending as much time with his family as possible. Ever since his mom remarried, again, and had triplets, his head hurt constantly when he came home from uni for the holidays.

It’s not like he doesn’t like his stepdad or his new siblings, he just wishes that his family wasn’t as big. Harry has been used to it only being him, his sister, and his mom, with her occasional dating victims. Nice and quiet.

He breathes in deeply again, and gathers himself. He turns off his car and grabs his wallet from the passenger seat. While grabbing it hastily, some money flew out onto the floor. “Fucking hell…” He whispers to himself. He stretches, his long arm extending until his lanky fingers barely grasp the dollar bill.

Suddenly he feels his car move slightly, as if someone bumps it. He flinches a bit and looks up to see his childhood best friend, Zayn, smiling at him.

Harry relaxes his shoulders. Seeing a familiar face that isn’t blood related is the best Christmas gift he could ask for. He puts the money back in his wallet, grabs the car keys and exits the vehicle. Zayn meets him just as he closes the door, arms wrapping around his shoulder and torso.

“So good to see you mate!” Zayn says, face smothered into his t-shirt.

Harry hugs him tight, “I’ve missed you Zaynie.” He smiles. They release each other and Harry walks to the back of his car and opens the trunk. Zayn follows him.

“How’s uni going? Any cute girls?” He winks and leans against Harry’s Mercedes. Harry rolls his eyes and takes one piece of luggage and places it on the ground.

“Mate, you know I’m-” He stops himself short. He realizes that he hasn’t actually come out to anyone from his childhood. He’s a different person at uni, he realizes.

Zayn stares back at him, weirdly. “You’re what?”

Harry licks his lips and takes out another piece of luggage, putting it onto the ground with much more force, trying to think of what to say. “I’m not focusing on girls or anything like that.” He avoids eye contact.

Zayn laughs softly, “Mate. If this was your first or last year, I would agree. But this is your second year, you have to get to some action.” He prods at Harry’s side. Harry takes out his last piece of luggage, deciding to toss it at Zayn as he smiles.

Zayn clumsily catches the piece of luggage, “Oi! Could’ve hurt me, mate.” Harry smiles, knowing that he’s off the topic of girls and relationships.

Harry closes the trunk and takes the other two luggages in his hands, “I knew it was light enough. Plus, you’re strong enough to catch one measly little luggage.” They begin walking toward the big house, carefully stepping on a stone pathway.

Zayn makes some small talk beside him, but Harry is more focused on how he’s going to deal with being in a loud environment again after being in a small dorm room with one other person. He has grown accustomed to his alone time. 

Harry hadn’t come home for Summer, as he just wanted to enjoy it with his lads at uni. Harry met his best friend at uni and they decided to go on a road trip. Harry knew his mother would be devastated, but he went anyway. Of course, he had to call her almost every week to check in. Even over the phone, he could hear the babies crying, so he tried to keep the phone calls to a minimum of 5 minutes, for everyone’s sake.

They reach the front door and Harry presses the doorbell, Zayn still blabbering about some football game at his uni. Zayn doesn’t even seem to notice that Harry has just rung the doorbell of his childhood home, rather than just walking right in. Harry has always felt more comfortable when he rings the doorbell.

The door swings open swiftly, to reveal a short and beautiful woman holding a toddler in her arms.

“Harry!” She smiles wide. Harry steps in and gives his mother a hug, Zayn following suit.

“So nice to see you again, Mrs. Twist.” Zayn says as he backs away from Harry’s mom.

Harry’s mom rolls her eyes playfully, “Zayn. Call me Anne. Or mom, you’ve earned it.” She smiles at him while Zayn just nods.

Harry purses his lips together as he looks around his childhood home. It has always been clean, but it seems like it's more delicate than usual. Like if he were to touch anything it would cause an alarm to go off, or break at his touch.

“I’m gonna go put my stuff in my room, yea?” He begins walking toward the stairs, calling out behind his shoulder.

“Of course darling! Don’t be too long.” Harry hears her chuckle. He feels Zayn close behind him, silent, but smiling nonetheless.

They walk to the end of the hall and Harry opens the door to his bedroom. It’s the same as when he left it, except a bit more dusty. He puts his luggage down by the closet door, and takes the bag from Zayn. “Thanks, mate.”

Zayn grins, “God, this bedroom brings back so many memories.” He lays down on Harry’s old bed with his ankles cross and hands behind his head.

Harry begins to take off his jacket and scarf, “Yeah. Many memories were made here.” He smiles to himself.

Zayn and Harry would always hang out at Harry’s, as it was closer to Zayn’s crush’s house and the best gas station in town, which seems like a weird thing to have. But Harry swears that this gas station is the best one for miles.

Zayn hums softly, closing his eyes. Harry watches his childhood friend while putting his clothes in his closet. He watches his chest go up and down with every breath, and the sunlight hits his skin so perfectly. He brings his lips together and sucks at his teeth when he feels a small smile forming. _No, Harry. Let it go_.

He silently grabs a pillow and wacks it against Zayn’s face. Zayn groans, “Oi!”

Harry grins to himself, pleased. Zayn looks up at him, “You’re dead, Styles.” Zayn flashes a grin as he grabs another pillow and wacks Harry’s torso.

They go on like this for a bit, until Harry’s mother opens the door, a different child in her arms now. “Boys, you’re acting like children. Gem’s gonna be here soon, so please pause your pillow fight and come help me downstairs.” She smiles and laughs as she closes the door.

Zayn and Harry breathe heavily, and smile as they make eye contact. Zayn throws the pillow back on the bed, “Oh how I’ve missed you, Styles.” He gets up and ruffles Harry’s hair.

Harry groans and rolls his eyes, looking into the mirror to fix his hair again. He decided to let it grow longer, so it’s in that awkward state of being shoulder length. His uni best friend, Liam, has decided that he looks like a prince. Harry doesn’t argue with him, he always wanted to be royalty.

He fake smiles to himself in the mirror, trying to be convincing. He hears Zayn chatting with his mother, and the three rascals running around the living room.

He checks his phone quickly to see a text from Liam.

**miss u mate x**

He chuckles to himself, another bubble popping up.

**dont be a stranger :P**

He laughs louder at that. Liam has only been in his life for a year or so, but they know everything about each other already, or at least Liam knows everything about Harry. He types out a response.

**could never be a stranger to you li :)**

He hits send and his phone rings. He decides to put his phone on his desk and leave it there for the rest of the night.

He gracefully steps down the stairs (not) and hears a knock on the door. He opens it to see Gemma, his sister, and a tall man next to her. Apparently Harry isn't the only one who likes to be polite when entering their childhood home. 

Gemma smiles wide and practically tackles her little brother to the floor. She laughs manically, “Harold!”

Harry grabs her torso and laughs, “Hi Gem. Missed you.” He tries to pry her off of him.

“Nope. Not letting you go. Haven’t seen you since your birthday.” She states. Harry sighs and gives in. He hugs her tight.

“I know, but I haven’t even met your friend.” He whispers into her ear, eyeing the unfamiliar man that has stepped foot into the foyer.

Gemma releases Harry and helps him up. “Oh, this is my boyfriend, Michael.” The man smiles slightly, reaching his hand out to Harry. Harry takes it and shakes it gently, smiling back. He seems quiet, Harry likes him already. Gemma beams silently beside them both.

They all enter the living room, the triplets attacking Gem and Michael. He sits next to Zayn and cuddles into his open arms. He doesn’t have to look to know that Zayn’s smiling, as Harry feels arms surround his thin torso.

Anne speaks to the group, “So I was thinking dinner around 6pm, yea?” She looks around for approval. Everyone nods their heads. “Great, so I’m hoping you all can watch the triplets…” She says, more demanding than asking. They all nod again. She clasps her hands together and heads into the kitchen.

Gem and Michael head upstairs to get situated. That leaves Harry, Zayn, and the triplets, which all have their eyes glued to the TV, which is taking up their full attention. Thank God. 

Zayn has been rubbing Harry’s back since Harry forcefully placed himself on top. Harry enjoys the small touch of affection. 

“What time is it?” He asks, turning his cheek so it’s on Zayn’s chest.

Zayn checks his watch, “5pm.” He replaces his hand on his back. “Maybe when Gem comes back down, we can go for a walk until dinner? They’re capable of handling these rascals, right?” Harry laughs slightly and sits up.

Harry looks over at his three half-brothers, “They seem to be occupied enough.”

Once Gem returns with Michael, Harry tells everyone that he’s going on a walk with Zayn and they’ll be back in time for dinner. Gem glares at him, but Harry ignores it.

…

Zayn and Harry talk like they’ve been with each other for the past 8 months, which isn’t true at all. They’ve barely even texted really. Zayn isn’t much for texting, and Harry isn’t one to text first. But once they reunite it’s like no time has passed. That’s one thing that he loves about Zayn.

Harry eyes a house but continues walking, but Zayn being Zayn, knows something's up. “What is it?”

Harry shrugs, “‘S nothing.”

Zayn sighs, “Mate, I’ve known you for the past 15 years. You’re not that good of a liar.” He laughs.

Harry laughs with him, or at him. It’s true, Harry isn’t a great liar especially when it comes to Zayn. “Fine fine…” He pauses.

Zayn stops, “Did you lose your train of thought?” He says sarcastically.

Harry stops and turns to him, still looking at the house. “That’s just.. Uh.. _his_ house.” He emphasizes, hoping Zayn will know who.

Zayn seems dumbfounded, “Whose?”

Harry sighs and looks down. “Nevermind, just forget it. ‘S not important.” He grabs Zayn’s wrist and checks the time, 5:47. “Shit, we gotta walk back.”

Zayn, thankfully, drops the subject. He starts talking about his experiences at uni again.

…

During dinner, everyone makes conversation, mainly talking about the triplets. They’ve grown so much since Harry has last seen them, which, according to his mother, is his fault for not visiting home more.

Anne turns her attention towards Harry, “So, Harry, how’s uni? Tell us everything.”

Everyone’s eyes turn to him. He swallows, “Oh uh, ‘s nothing special. Just the regular old stuff, assignments and stress.” He speaks, his throat suddenly dry.

“Any cute girls?” Gem winks at him. Anne glares at her daughter, but Harry knows she’s intrigued.

He shakes his head while drinking his water, and before he has a chance to answer Zayn proudly answers for him. “He told me he wants to focus on school instead, which I think is total bull.” They all laugh at the charming boy, even Harry.

It’s not like he lied to Zayn, just didn’t tell him the full truth.

The conversation goes off of him and they talk about Gemma and Michael. Though Harry doesn’t bother listening. He’s just thinking about uni, and how free he is there. He can’t wait to go back, although he doesn’t miss all the assignments and stress.

Dinner ends, and Harry decides he should head to bed. “But, hon, it’s only 8:15.” His mother whines.

Harry smiles, “I know, mum. But I’ve been driving for practically the whole day… and being around three loud triplets isn’t helpful.” He mumbles the last part, hoping no one will hear him.

No one does.

Anne just smiles back at him and gives him a kiss on the cheek, “I know darling. Sleep tight, okay?” She walks back into the kitchen to clean the rest of the dishes.

Zayn gets up from where he sat on the couch, “I should probably go too, Mrs. Twi- Anne.” He catches himself.

Anne shouts from the kitchen, “Okay, Zayn dear. See you soon, yeah?”

“You can count on it.” Zayn tugs on Harry’s arm, “Walk me out, yea?”

Harry blushes slightly, “Yea, of course.” He walks out the door onto the porch. “Thank you for being here.” He says to fill the awkward silence.

“Of course, mate. You know I love your family and I know how you get with them. I’ll always be here for you.” He beams up at him.

Harry hugs Zayn tightly. “Meet up tomorrow?” He whispers into his neck. Zayn pats his back and hugs tighter.

“Yes, definitely.” He lets go and walks away from the house.

Harry walks back inside, making sure to lock the door, and heads up to his bedroom. He checks his phone and sees a message from Liam. It’s a picture of Liam and his dog. He smiles, and quickly types out a message.

**two cuties ;)**

He places his phone down again. He has no feelings for Liam, and Liam has no feelings for him. That’s just how they chat. He feels his phone vibrate again, but decides to get changed instead.

He changes into a thin white t-shirt and grey joggers. He throws his clothes to where his hamper usually is, but it hits the floor. Weird, why would his mom move his hamper? Probably for the triplets, he assumes. He shrugs it off and leaves the clothes there, choosing to deal with them in the morning.

As soon as his head hits the pillow, he’s out.

…

Harry wakes up in a sweat, unsure why. He didn't have a bad dream or anything, unless he has already forgotten it.

He rubs his eyes and checks the clock beside him, which glows a bright 3:37am. He sighs. He grabs his phone again and checks the message Liam sent him earlier, which was just a simple smiley face.

He puts on his socks and white sneakers, and quietly leaves the house. He jogs down the street to the best gas station, according to Harry and Zayn. There’s only two cars, Harry assumes the two workers.

He opens the door and it jingles. The fluorescent lights make it seem like an apocalypse is taking place, but Harry looks around and just sees happiness. He isn't sure why he loves this place so much, but he does. It's like a safe space for him. He smiles at the two workers, chatting behind the register.

He goes to the drink section in the back and grabs a blue gatorade. He hears the door jingle again, and wonders who else is up at almost 4 in the morning. He grabs some cheetos before looking up and seeing who walked in, and suddenly he feels his stomach start to churn.

Harry's eyes meet the terrible face of Louis Tomlinson.


	2. Chapter 2

Thankfully, Louis hasn’t seen Harry, yet. 

Harry still has time to escape. How, he isn’t sure. But he has too. He can’t bare to talk with Louis Tomlinson.

Although, it’s hard for Harry to exactly hide, as a 6’ foot man, and being the only other person in the gas station.

Unfortunately, Harry doesn’t even have to look up to know Louis is staring at him. He just feels the laser beams shooting into his head. 

“Well, well, well.” Louis’ voice gets closer and closer until Harry sees his shoes in his vision. Harry decides to look up and is met with a shorter man than he remembers. He feels a bit of confidence from being much taller now. “How’s it going, Hazzy?” He smiles insincerely. 

Harry wants to gag at the nickname, but puts on a fake toothy smile. “Hello Louis.” Purposefully saying his name with the hard ‘s’, although it doesn’t seem to affect Louis one bit. _Stupid confidence, come back to me…_

Louis leans against the sturdy shelves of the convenience store. He looks Harry up and down, “Don’t you look rather… dashing.” Pausing before he finishes the sentence. 

  
Harry does the same for him. Louis is wearing an old band t-shirt that is definitely from high school, and black jeans with black vans. “I could say the same to you.” He begins to shoot laser beams back into Louis’ eyes, not losing the toothy grin. 

Louis chuckles and breaks eye contact, “You’ve changed a lot since high school, you know that?” Harry notices that his accent has somehow gotten stronger. “Are you still a homo?” 

Harry wants to punch him. He feels rage fill his bones, and he notices his hand has balled up into a fist. “Shut the fuck up.” He whispers, mainly to himself. Louis is still staring at him, expecting an answer. Harry clears his throat and lets his hand relax, “Why do you care so much? Wanna hook up?” Louis’ mouth gapes open. “That’s what I thought.” Harry scowls. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…” 

He tries to get past Louis, but Louis grabs his bicep. “Not so fast, Hazza.” He grabs the cheetos out of his hands, “Cheetos? Really?” He inspects the bag.

Harry scoffs, “Yes, cheetos.” He grabs the bag back, wiping it on his joggers. “Now that you’ve infected my late night snack, I best be going.” He manages to slide past Louis this time. 

He pays for his indulgences, and while the worker is getting his change he turns around to see Louis still staring at him, though trying to look busy. Harry laughs internally, _what a douche_. 

Harry delightfully takes his change and rushes out of the gas station. He checks for his phone but realizes he left it in his room. The sky begins to lighten, but just barely. 

He gets back to his room and the clock reads _4:19am_. He sets up his laptop and puts on a random netflix show while eating his bag of cheetos, trying to get all memory of Louis Tomlinson out of his brain. 

…

  
  


The next day is quite boring. His family mainly just walks around town, guiding Harry as if he’s a tourist. Harry tried to assure them all that he grew up there, and that he even knows more than them, but continues to let them play pretend.

Harry’s brain can’t seem to get Louis out of his mind. His hair was long and messy, but not a bad-messy. But he still hates him with a passion. It’s alright though, he hopes the awkward meeting was over and he’ll never have to see that homophobic piece of shit again.

They pass the music store, which Harry just has to go in. “I’ll catch up with you guys.” He shouts to his family, all of them continuing to walk.

Harry opens the door and is immediately met with nostalgia. He smiles at the scent, the sight, the everything. He hears footsteps coming from the back, “Be out in a second!” A voice says.

Harry recognizes the voice immediately. “Hi Mr. Horan.” He responds.

Bobby Horan turns the corner, and a smile forms on his face. “Harry! Oh it’s so nice to see you again.” He says, walking over to the young boy and giving him a hug.

Harry smiles at the interaction and hugs the smaller man back. “Me too.” 

Bobby releases the boy, going behind the register. “Back from uni for the holidays?” He smiles a toothy grin, even if he is missing a tooth.  
  
Harry relaxes while looking at him, smiling slightly. “Yeah. Happened to be passing by and had to say hi to an old friend.” He leans against the counter. “Thank you for letting me come here when I needed to get away.” He says, quietly. 

Bobby somehow hears him, “Anything for you. You have always been my favorite.” He lightly slaps Harry’s shoulder.

Harry hears footsteps from the back again, and he turns to see a pale thin boy with blond highlights in his hair come into the main room. Harry stands up straighter, knowing exactly who the boy is.

The boy stops short when he sees Harry, “Oh.” He mutters. “Didn’t know we had company.” He glares at his father.

Bobby laughs heartily, “Niall, my boy, come say hi to your old friend.” Niall walks over to his father, wincing slightly at the phrase ‘old friend’.

Harry also winces. Niall just happens to be the best friend of Louis Tomlinson, and we all know how they act around each other.  
  
Harry politely smiles at Niall, “Hi.” He somehow mutters. Niall nods his head. _Not even polite enough to say a simple hello. Bastard._

They all stand there awkwardly for a few seconds until Harry finally turns his attention back to Bobby. “I just wanted to say hi to you, Mr. Horan. I should get back and meet up with my family.” He begins walking towards the door.

“Of course! Feel free to visit whenever.” Harry can hear the smile in his voice. 

He hears Niall whisper, “Dad, how many times do we have to say to not talk to him? He’s not right…”

Harry rolls his eyes and steps out into the cold air. Louis has corrupted Niall. Harry and Niall were best mates during primary school, but then one Summer he hung out with Louis and that changed everything. 

  
  


…

  
  


They come back from scouring the town with ice cream, even if it is frigid outside, cause Anne can’t resist the triplets. Harry just can’t resist ice cream. 

Anne calls Harry into the kitchen, “Hon, can you run to the gas station and get some more milk? I seem to have used it all…” She says, throwing out an empty milk carton.

Harry pats his pocket and feels his wallet, “‘Course, mum. Anyone need anything else?” He asks over his shoulder, heading toward the door. 

“Ooo can you bring me back some doritos? I love those.” Gem calls out. 

Harry nods his head and returns back into the cold atmosphere.

  
  


…

  
  


Harry enters the gas station and it looks the same as last night, except for the fact it's a bit brighter because of natural light streaming in through the windows. 

He nods at the workers again and heads to the back to look for milk. He feels a sense of deja vu as the door jingles open again. He looks up with caution, and is yet again met with Louis Tomlinson glaring at him.

Harry scoffs and grabs a milk carton. He breathes in deeply and turns around, only to be met with a pair of bright blue eyes two feet from him. “Would you look at this? Deja vu much?” Louis snickers.

Harry sucks at his teeth, “Much. I feel as though you’re following my every move.” He walks to another aisle in search of doritos. Louis, of course, follows him.

“I never did ask you how uni’s going. Hook up with any dudes? Or are you out of that phase?” 

“Who even said I’m gay?” He says, focused on finding the chips as fast as possible.  
  
“It’s not like you hid it well in high school.” 

Harry rolls his eyes again and grabs the first doritos bag he sees. “Well why do you seem so interested in my sex life? Do you wanna be added to my number of bodies or something?” He turns away from him and begins walking toward the register.

Louis trails him like a puppy. “Oh wow, Styles heating it up with gay sex jokes.” He slaps his back, “Uni changed you, mate.” 

Harry turns around at that, “Don’t call me ‘mate’. We aren’t mates. Now, leave me alone.” He notices that he got significantly closer to Louis’ face. He stares into his sea-blue eyes, little strands of his hair intersecting with his eyelashes.

Louis doesn’t break eye contact nor moves away from him. “We both live here, Styles. I’m not going out of my way to keep meeting like this. You don't own this gas station.” He spits when he pronounces his words, but Harry still doesn’t move. 

They stay like this for a bit, until Louis finally breaks eye contact and licks his lips. “You know, Styles, I missed having you around. You always make my day brighter in every possible way.” 

Harry doesn’t respond, just walks up to the register and pays for his items. He pushes the door and hears Louis call out, “Same time tomorrow, yea?” _Unbelievable._

  
  


…

  
  


Harry wakes up in a sweat again. He rubs his eyes. _What the fuck is wrong with him?_

He looks at the time, _4:15am_ . Shit. He misses when he could actually sleep through the night.  
  
He decides to throw on his shoes and grabs a sweatshirt. He checks his phone with no messages. 

He enters the gas station again, but this time seeing Louis and Niall together. He considers leaving, but decides to be the bigger man.

Louis and Niall are laughing together in the chip section, not noticing anyone around them.

Harry walks to the back, showing them no attention. He looks over the drinks, before deciding on a Sprite. He closes the door and turns around, only to be met with two smaller men right behind him.

“Jesus.” He blurts out, flinching a bit. 

Louis smiles, “Hello again Hazza. Seems to be a bit of a pattern, us meeting like this.” He grins wide at Harry, in spite, he assumes.

Harry begins to walk away, only to have Niall block his path.

Louis talks again, “Bad dream again? Did Hazza have a nightmare?” He says the last part sarcastically. 

Harry begrudgingly turns to Louis, “Who says I slept in the first place?” He tries to be smart-ass, but his brain is running on not many hours of sleep.

Louis chuckles at that, “Well, noticing your bed head and the fact that you still have on your pajama pants, I assume you just woke up and got late night munchies.” He eyes Harry’s drink, “Sprite? Really? Never pegged you for a lemon-lime fan.”

Harry snickers, “You never pegged me, at all. Although, that can be arranged.” He gives him the same fake, toothy grin from the other night.  
  
Louis turns to Niall, “Nialler, did you hear that? That is the SECOND gay sex joke Styles has made today. That makes three total! Can you believe it?” He puts a hand on Niall’s shoulder and laughs a bit too hard.

Niall laughs right along with him, and Harry takes this opportunity to slip past them. He quickly pays, hearing Niall and Louis still laughing in the back. “Goodnight boys.” He says back to them, exiting the building.

  
  


…

  
  


“I swear, he has a personal vendetta out for me. I don’t know why he dislikes me! I barely talked to him all of high school.” He says, stretched out on his bed while Zayn is in his desk chair. He's explaining the whole Louis situation, all the interactions. Trying to wrap some sense around the confusing boy.

“Mate, are you really that oblivious?” He swivels around.

Harry sits up, “What?” 

Zayn swivels again and stops to stare Harry in the eyes. “Tommo has had the hots for you since secondary school.” 

Harry actually laughs at that, “Oh! Zayn, you’re so funny.” He puts his hand on his stomach, “You really think that homophobic piece of shit had a crush on me?”

Zayn rolls his eyes but smiles, “Mate, not only do I think it, I know it. He actually confessed it to me.”

Harry wipes at his eyes and his laughter dies down. “Really? Didn’t know you two were close.”

Zayn shrugs, “We weren’t. He just kind of came up to me one day in the locker room, asking if you were gay or if you liked anyone.” He goes back to swiveling. “So, naturally, I said no to both.”

_Right_. Zayn still doesn’t know. Harry clears his throat, “Actually, I should tell you something.”

Zayn raises an eyebrow, “What is it, mate?” 

Harry looks down and fidgets with his hands. His nails are non-existent from all the stress and anxiety. “Uh, well, I think… I might be… just a tiny bit… _gay_.” He emphasizes the last word, barely saying it above a whisper.

Zayn’s eyes go wide, “Really?” Harry nods his head, feeling his eyes start to burn with tears. Like any moment he could just start sobbing. “I owe Gemma $20!” 

Harry sniffles and looks at him, “W-what?”

Zayn rests his elbows on his knees, “Well, we had this bet going that you wouldn’t come out until after college. She thought you would come out during, I thought after.” 

Harry stares at him in disbelief. His mouth hangs open. “You knew?”

Zayn smiles wide at him, “Of course I knew. I’ve been friends with you for many years. You think I never noticed how you looked at guys?” He hesitates, like he wants to say more but decides against it. 

Harry gets up and hugs him, “Thank you.” He feels his cheeks begin to flush. 

Zayn hugs him back, “You know I love you, gay or straight or bi. Whatever you want to label yourself, if you want a label at all. I’ll always be here for you.” 

Harry’s mind is going crazy. His best friend knew he was gay from secondary school. _Does that mean he knows about his feelings?_ Harry closes his eyes tight and throws that thought into the back of his brain. He releases Zayn from his grip and sits back on the bed. 

“Anyway, back to before. So Louis had a crush on me in secondary school?” Harry asks, his voice quivering a little. 

Zayn nods his head.

“You aren’t just fucking with me?”

Zayn looks at him like _really? Would I lie to you?_

Harry nods simply. “That’s just weird. He has always acted so rude and homophobic towards me.”  
  
Zayn shrugs again and gets up from the chair, “Maybe he just doesn’t know how else to express his feelings, or maybe he has internalized homophobia. Who knows? Who cares? He has to be over whatever it was now, so I’m sure you’re fine.”

  
  


…

  
  


That night, Harry can’t even sleep at all. He groans into his pillow. 

The clock reads _1:48am_ as Harry slips on his shoes again and slips out his front door.

Only one worker is behind the register tonight, typing away on her phone. Harry decides to take out his own phone. 

He clicks on Liam’s contact and types out a message.

**_do u have any gas stations near ur house?_ **

He doesn’t expect Liam to be up, but then his phone rings not much later.

**_mate are you high? you know what ive told you about doing drugs before bed_ **

Harry smiles.

**_its an honest question mate_ **

His phone rings immediately.

**_yeah i do, its a pretty rubbish one though._ **

**_do you?_ **

Harry puffs out his chest, feeling proud.

**_i do, best one for miles._ **

He puts his phone away, when he hears laughter right behind him, making his shoulders tense.

Louis is there, looking over his shoulder. His bright blue eyes glued to Harry's phone screen. “Mate, that’s how you talk to your friends? About gas stations?”

Harry looks at him, and moves away from him, confused, “When did you get here? Were you reading my private messages over my shoulder?” Slightly concerned with how quiet Louis can be.

Louis holds up his hands in defence. “Oi, calm down, lad. Just joking around.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets. 

Harry looks down at the ground, “Why were you a jerk to me in secondary school?” His mouth suddenly mutters. No time like the present, he guesses. 

Louis looks at him, caught off-guard, “Pardon?”

Harry scoffs, “Throughout secondary school, you were such a little bastard to me. Why? What did I ever do to you?”

Louis purses his lips and licks them, “Nothing. Just someone to pick on.” Harry can tell that was just an easy-out answer. He pushes him more.

Harry laughs lightly, “So, out of the 300 kids in our school, I was the only one that was worthy enough to be picked on? Is it cause I’m gay?”

Louis’ eyes widened for a split second at that statement. But just as quick as it appears, his eyes return to normal. “I-i don’t care that you’re into that.” He stutters, and Harry can tell he’s lying.

Harry crosses his arms, “Then what was it?”

Louis turns away from him, “Why does it matter?”

Harry follows him, “I’m just curious, why won’t you tell me?”

Louis shrugs casually and takes out a random drink from the fridge. “I like to keep things private. Plus, I like teasing you.” He smiles as he passes Harry to get to the register.

Harry grabs his arm. Louis looks down at where his hand meets his jumper. “I’m not done talking to you.”

Harry feels his nose start to burn. _Shit._ Louis notices that Harry is getting emotional. “Why the fuck are you so interested in this?” His voice gets louder.

Harry tightens his grip, “Because you caused me pain for so many years, I might as well know the motive behind it. Did I do something to you that you couldn't have just talked to me about?”

Louis rolls his eyes and tries to get out of Harry’s surprisingly strong grip. “Let me go. I’m not talking about this.”

Harry gets angrier, “Louis, just tell me and I’ll let you go.” 

Louis squirms, but his voice starts firm, “Harry.”  
Harry stares him down, not letting go of his arm. “Tell. Me.”

Louis meets his eye contact, voice low but firm, “You had everything and I had nothing. I had to hurt you to make you feel as worthless as I felt.”

Suddenly, Harry’s eyes begin to fill with tears. _Shit, shit, shit._ _What the hell is happening to him?_ He lets go of Louis’ arm and runs into the bathroom. 

He begins quietly sobbing into the sink. Out of everything that he thought would happen on his trip back to his hometown, this was definitely not on that list. Crying at 2am in a gas station sink because of Louis. Fucking. Tomlinson.

He hears a knock on the door and a soft voice speaks, “Harry?” 

Harry sniffles. “Get out of here. Leave me alone.” 

“Open the door.” 

Harry doesn’t move, only sobs more. He hears another knock.

“It’s unlocked.” Harry says quietly, hoping that he speaks too softly for Louis to hear. Unfortunately, Louis hears and the door opens softly, which means he must've really been pressed against the door. Louis is standing behind Harry and the door clicks as it shuts. “What the hell do you want? Wanna rub it in?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you so much pain.” Louis’ voice is quiet, almost sincere. 

Harry laughs, “Gee. Thanks. Fixes everything. I mean, after you just told me you wanted me to feel worthless? That makes me feel so so great.” 

Harry hears Louis scoff, “I’m sorry, okay? Accept it.”

Harry turns toward Louis, eyes and cheeks red from crying. “You try being bullied for four years by someone who you thought was a friend. It isn’t very fun. Especially when you had no reason to be bullied and teased, just because the bully was fucking insecure.” He sniffles and wipes his nose on the back of his hand.

Louis is looking at the floor. He doesn’t say a word.

“I trusted you for so long, Louis. I don’t understand what happened.” His voice breaks during the last sentence.

Louis shrugs slightly. 

Harry looks up at the ceiling. “Jesus Christ, Lou, say something!”

Louis’ hand is suddenly holding the back of Harry’s neck . Their lips are pressed together. Harry freezes up. He doesn’t know what’s happening nor what to do. But he doesn't move away. 

Louis pulls away and rests his forehead on Harrys. They both stand there, processing what just happened.

Suddenly, Harry’s long arm wraps around Louis’ waist and he closes the gap between them. They aren't kisses that will lead anywhere, but they're kisses nonetheless. 

Louis pulls away again. He stares at Harry, his eyes flickering to Harry’s lips and eyes. “I-” Harry starts, before Louis runs out of the bathroom and exits the building. Leaving Harry alone in the bathroom, confused and unsure of what just happened.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry walks right past his darkened house, only illuminated on the outside with white icicle lights. He needs to clear his head. 

He sits on a bench near the end of the road and puts his head into his hands.

Louis Tomlinson kissed him.

He kissed Louis Tomlinson _back_.

And… liked it?

No. No way. This can’t be happening. He isn’t going to like kissing his high school bully. Too cliche. Not going to happen.

_Worthless._

He takes out his phone and quickly dials a number.

“ _Hello..?”_ Someone says, very noticeably groggy.

“He kissed me! And I kissed him back!” Harry blurts into the phone.

Harry hears Liam shuffling over the phone, _“Mate, you know it’s 2:30 in the morning. I’m tired. Stop yelling.”_ Liam yawns.

Harry feels tears form in his eyes, “Liam. I just shared two kisses with my high school bully.”

They’re both quiet. Unsure of what to say.

Liam finally speaks, _“That Louis kid?”_

Harry nods before realizing Liam can’t see him, “Yes. Him.”

Liam sighs, _“Well, did you enjoy it?”_

Harry runs a hand through his hair, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Not enough to make his voice begin to quiver, but enough for others to follow. “I… think I might’ve.” He whispers.

_“Walk me through it. What happened and everything.”_

Harry recaps the night. By the time he’s finished, his cheeks are red and wet, and he’s glad that Liam can’t see him like this. His voice is now shaky and his hands are sweating. His elbows are jabbing into his thighs, his whole weight resting there. 

Liam laughs slightly. _“From never having met this kid, and only hearing your side of the story, he doesn’t seem like someone you want to be around. I mean, calling you a homo and treating you like shit isn’t exactly friendship or relationship material.”_

“No! No relationship with him. I can’t-” He starts to sob. 

He hears Liam begin to hum. He always knows that that calms Harry down when he gets into a panic.

After Harry wipes his tears, he hears Liam stop humming. _“Are you alright, Harry? Seriously. Like will you be able to handle being there for the next 3 weeks? You’re bound to run into him again…”_ He trails off.

Harry stares up into the streetlight above him. “Yes. I’ll be fine. I’m sorry to wake you, I just didn’t know who else to call.” He sniffles. 

_“I said I’ll always be here for you, always. I love you mate, alright? Call if you need anything.”_

“I love you too. Thank you.” Harry hangs up the phone and looks around at all the houses decorated in Christmas lights. He sees Zayn's house in the distance, one of the only houses with multicolored lights. His leg starts bouncing as anxiety courses through his veins. How did he do this to himself?

…

  
  


Harry wakes up with a headache the next day. He got a total of 2 hours of sleep, tossing and turning the whole night after he snuck back into his house. For a normal college student, two hours is a blessing. But Harry has always kept on a schedule. 

He texts his mom that he’s gonna stay in all day, and for them to continue on without him. She texts back a sad face, followed by hearts. Just like that, he’s off for the rest of the day until dinner time. He can spend the whole day alone, sulking, thinking. 

Gemma visits him, “We’ll be back by dinner, yea? There’s some food in the fridge and everything. You know the drill.” She gives her little brother a kiss on the forehead. “Love you, bro. Don't go having any parties” She winks as she sways toward the door. 

Harry laughs softly, "No promises. Love you." He smiles back. 

He hears loud voices begin to exit the house. The house rattles slightly as someone bangs the door shut. Harry lets out a relieved breath he wasn't aware he was holding. 

He takes out his laptop, but doesn’t know what to do. He needs to keep busy so he doesn’t think about yesterday, but it seems like it's going to be unsuccessful. 

He face plants into his pillow and screams. He shouldn’t have come home for the holidays.

He rounds the bottom of the stairs and begins walking toward the kitchen before he hears a soft knock at the door. He tries to fix his hair in the hallway mirror, but it doesn't do much. He shrugs and walks towards the door.

His hand turns the cold doorknob, opening the door inward. He gets one glance at the person and immediately pushes the door back into place, almost a bit too harshly. 

He stands there, frozen. 

_Knock._

He turns around and begins walking away, trying to ignore the knocking. Praying he'll leave.

_Knock knock._

He stops walking. He waits, listening for footsteps walking away.

He is only met with a harder knock on the door.

He bangs the palm of his hands against his forehead. He returns back to the door, and opens it quickly.

“What do you want?” He asks, no smile or any fake greeting.

“I’m sorry. F-for last night.” Louis mumbles.

Harry rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” 

Louis shakes his head, “No. It isn’t whatever. We shouldn’t have done what we did. It’s wrong.”

Harry rolls his eyes again and leans against the door frame. Louis still hasn’t looked up from the ground. 

Harry's eyes trace the body of the boy in front of him, taking in his attire. Louis is in similar grey joggers as Harry, except he has huge red letters on the side spelling out _Manchester_. He wears a Green Day t-shirt accompanied by a jean jacket. He also looks like he barely slept last night, considering the bedhead and the pajamas. 

Or, who knows, maybe he enjoys wearing these clothes and looking like this out and about.

Harry stares at him, “Why is it wrong?” 

Louis still doesn’t look up. “Can I come inside?” He whispers.

Harry furrows his brows, “I asked you a question.”

Louis stops fidgeting with his hands and looks up at Harry, “Just let me in.” Harry sees Louis taking him in, finally settling his eyes on Harry's. “Please.” 

Harry reluctantly gives in and opens the door wider, allowing the smaller man to enter. He closes the door behind him. “You want tea?” Louis trails him through the house.

Louis shakes his head, “No thank you.” 

Harry walks to the kitchen and begins pouring water into the kettle, “So you force yourself into my house, and not even going to drink the tea that I offered so generously?” He fake scoffs, “Why come in at all then?”

Louis sits down at the kitchen island, “Fine, I’ll have some tea.”

Harry smiles at him, “That’s my boy.” He turns back around and rolls his eyes, putting the kettle on the stove. He leans his back against the counter and crosses his arms, staring at Louis. “So, why is it wrong?”

Louis looks up at him, eyebrows scrunched, “What?”

Harry chuckles, “Why is it wrong for us to kiss? Because it’s us, or because we’re two men?”

Louis’ mouth hangs open as his brain searches to find a response. “I- uh… I just.. Well. It's complicated I guess.” His lips shrink. 

“Relax. I know how internalized homophobia can be.” 

Louis’ eyes go back and forth between Harry’s hand and Harry’s eyes, “Internalized… what?”

Harry smiles gently, “Internalized homophobia.” He sees that Louis is still confused. “It’s when you have thoughts of wanting to kiss the same gender, or date them or whatever you want to do to them, but you were raised on the idea that doing that is a not right. So your brain pushes away that thought and all the yearning you have, turning it into hate. Whether it's hate on yourself, hate to others, or both. Internalized homophobia.” He says, very nonchalantly. 

Louis goes back to fidgeting with his hands. “Well, it's not that. Cause I’m not gay.”

“I never said you were.”

“You implied it.”  
  
“I didn’t. You’re the one who brought labels into it.” Harry raises his eyebrows, slightly amused.

They both turn quiet. The kettle begins to whistle. Harry takes out two mugs and begins to pour the water. 

“Are you… really gay?” He hears behind him.

Harry nods his head, “Yes. I’m only out to Zayn and a couple of friends from uni. And you now, I guess. And apparently my family already knows cause I’m terrible at hiding it.” He drops two tea bags into the steaming water. “Milk or cream or.. Anything?” 

Louis shakes his head and Harry hands him the cup, “Careful, it’s hot.”

Louis snickers, “No shit, sherlock. If it was cold I couldn’t tip you.”

Harry rolls his eyes and takes a sip of tea, hiding his smile.

Louis takes a sip, “This is really good tea.” He says after swallowing. 

Harry tries not to look too proud, but he is. “Thank you. Now, is that all?”

Louis shakes his head, “N-no. I just… I-” He gets lost in his thoughts again.

“I won’t tell anyone. I just told one of my friends from uni, but he doesn’t know you or anyone from here.” He taps his heart, “Secrets safe with me.”

Louis’ shoulders drop a significant amount. “T-thank you. Harry. Really. It means so much to me. I don’t know what my parents would do if they found out I kissed a boy…” He trails off. 

Harry sips his tea, “Do they not approve?”

Louis shakes his head timidly. “N-no. At least, from what I know they aren't big fans. Not like I pay attention to that or anything. I'm not gay. They would hate-" He cuts himself off suddenly, taking another sip, eyes growing wide.

Harry decides not to pry. He'd rather not get into all his family stuff. "Did you like it?" He asks, inquisitively. 

Louis looks up and meets his eyes, “Pardon?”

Harry puts down his tea. “You heard me. Did you like it? And don’t lie, I’m incredible at finding out when someone's lying or not.” He lies, hoping to get the truth from him. 

Louis stares at him. “I-” He starts. “I didn’t not like it.” He finally states, eyes avoiding any contact with Harry. His cheeks flush with embarrassment. 

Harry looks at him and can’t help but smile. “Listen, Louis. I’m not trying to label you as it isn't my place, but I don’t think you’re straight. Enjoying a kiss with the same gender is a pretty big clue.”

Louis places his cup down with some force. “I’m not gay!”

Harry doesn’t flinch at the contact of cup and table. “I never said you were.” He holds up his hand before Louis starts speaking, “I just implied it.”  
  


…

  
  


Louis sits on the couch. “So you really only met three people in uni that you like so far?”

Harry chuckles, “Yes. That’s all I need.” They’re both relaxing across from each other.

The sunlight streams in through the windows, hitting the two boys perfectly. It makes Harry see something in Louis. Attractiveness, maybe? Something that makes his stomach flutter with butterflies but his brain curl with nausea. 

“I have like a whole rotation of friend groups each week.” He puts his arm on the back of the couch, absently playing with a loose string. “I can’t imagine just spending time with three other people.”

Harry brings his leg closer to his chest, “I can’t imagine rotating friend groups each week. Being social isn’t one of my favorite things.”

Louis smiles at him, “I noticed. You weren’t that social in secondary school.” 

“How dare you? I had a solid 4 friends!” 

Louis purses his lips but ends up laughing anyway. Harry smiles at the boy. 

“I didn’t mean that as a bad thing. Whatever floats your boat.” He holds his hands, defensively. 

Harry puts his arm on the back of the couch, barely touching Louis. Louis seems to tense up at the near-contact. But they both ignore it.

“So, why did you come here?”

“I needed to apologize about last night. I just felt horrible and guilty and hated myself.”

“Hey, don’t feel bad, okay? It was just a kiss or two. Nothing I haven’t experienced before.”   
  
“Not apologize about the kiss.” He meets Harry’s confused look. “I mean, yes about the kiss but that was, um.. Yeah. Mainly about everything you said about me bullying you in secondary school. I just went through a really hard time and needed to see that I wasn’t the only one suffering.” He looks down at his hand, fidgeting with his shirt.

This time Harry brushes his pinky against Louis’ hand. He hears a tiny gasp come from Louis. “I’m over it. I won’t forget that you did it, but I’m over it. I figured you were just a twat with sexual frustration so you took everything out on the kid no one liked.” He sees Louis still isn’t convinced. “I’m in a much better place now. I have a few solid friends, I’m doing well in school. I’m okay, really.” 

Louis looks up at him and sees the sincerity in Harry’s eyes. “O-okay.” He whispers.

Harry notices that his pinky is still brushing up against Louis’ hand. He sighs, "If you ever need to talk to someone about, anything, I'll be here for the next three weeks." He coughs into his other hand, making it seem much less sappy than intended. 

Louis smiles slightly. “Thank you, Harry.” 

They both sit there, staring at one another. Harry’s pinky gently brushing up against Louis’ hand every now and then. 

“C-can I ask you something?” Harry asks tentatively.

Louis just nods his head, hesitantly.

“Why did you kiss me?”

Louis doesn’t move. He just sits there, trying to figure out what to say, whether to lie or tell the truth, and if he tells the truth, does he tell all of it or only some of it? Somehow Harry can read every single emotion flashing on the boy's face. 

“Why did you kiss back?” 

Harry glares at Louis, but a small grin forms on his face. "Louis. Cmon." 

Louis thinks again. He begins biting his lip. “I just. Fuck." He moves his hand from the couch to his face, covering it out of shyness. "I liked you in secondary school and thought I was over it until I saw you in the gas station. And I kept seeing you. And then you ranted about how awful I was and I just got sick of myself for waiting so long. I had to see.” He stops short.

Harry stares at the boy in wonderment. He wasn’t expecting him to actually tell him. “Well? Fucking say something!” Louis’ voice gets louder, clearly insecure. 

“Okay.” Harry grabs onto his own wrist. “That makes sense.”

Louis scoffs, “I just told you I like you and that I’m gay and that’s all you have to say to me?”

Harry moves to grab Louis’ wrist, to comfort him, but Louis grabs it away quickly. Harry nods tightly and keeps to himself. “You actually never said that you were gay.”

All Louis does is stare into his lap. Harry can sense discomfort radiating off of him. "Louis?"

Louis grabs the middle of Harry's t-shirt, bringing him close, lips almost touching. Harry feels a shock of emotion go through his body as he tries to focus on Louis' eyes. He wraps his arms around Louis' torso and he can see Louis flinch slightly. Harry tries to even out his breathing as he takes a mental note of Louis' face in this exact moment. How his lips are slightly parted, his warm breath on Harry's lips. Louis seems to be doing the same thing to Harry, his eyes frantically moving across his face. 

“Kiss me.” Louis whispers as he closes the gap between them. As their lips connect, the shock Harry felt earlier only gets stronger. He pulls Louis closer, suddenly wanting to touch everywhere. His hands move to Louis' hips, rubbing them up and down through the jean jacket. 

Harry slightly opens his mouth, allowing Louis to begin to suck slightly on his bottom lip, which makes a small moan escape from Harry. Harry smiles as Louis kisses him softly again.

Louis notices and rests his forehead on Harry, “What?”

Harry keeps his eyes close. “This is.. it's nice."

Realization suddenly dawns on Louis. “Shit!” He clumsily gets off of Harry and heads toward the door.

Harry feels Louis’ warmth leave him quickly, and his arms stay in the air for a split second, wanting Louis back. Harry quickly stands and stops him before he gets to the door, “No. Not this time. Talk to me.” Louis looks around, anxiously. 

“I-i can’t. We can’t. Do this. God, why is this happening to me?! My dad's gonna know.” Louis’ breath hitches in his throat.

Harry stares at him, concerned. "Your dad won't know you kissed a boy a couple of times." 

Louis just keeps shaking his head, rubbing his palms anxiously on his sweats. Harry hears a gate close outside. He moves back into the living room and sees Zayn walking to the front door. "Ah, fuck." Harry swears. 

He returns back to Louis whose eyes have widened a significant amount, seeing the concern on Harry's face. "What?"

_Knock._

Louis' eyes somehow grow even more, "Harry."   
  
Harry places a hand on Louis forearm, "Back door." He says suddenly. Louis furrows his eyebrows, but doesn't say anything. Harry looks around for a piece of paper.

_Knock._

Harry looks in a drawer and finds a post-it note along with a pen. He places the post-it note on Louis' back, scribbling on his number. He folds it and places it into Louis' hand.

_K_ _nock._

"My number." He begins leading Louis toward the back door. "Text me. Please. We aren't done here." 

Louis looks as though he wants to say something, but just nods tightly and says a small "Thank you" as he heads out the door.

…

  
  


Zayn runs upstairs after Harry. “Anne said that you were sick.”

Harry enters his bedroom, “I had a headache earlier. But I’m a little better now.” He realizes what Zayn had said, "Wait, do you talk with my mum?"

Zayn sits in his desk chair again and laughs, “I ran into her in town. Plus, even if I did, we all know she likes me better than you."

Harry sticks his tongue out at Zayn, "Fuck off." 

Zayn smiles with his tongue. Harry lays on the bed and looks up at the ceiling, hand feeling the base of his neck. His brain keeps thinking of Louis, and the noise he made when Harry's hand touched his hips. _Fuck._ Harry never thought he would be thinking of Louis in this way, how his lips were so soft against his own…

Harry gets thrown out of his trance when something hits him in the face. “Oi! What the hell?” He stares at Zayn, who has a cheeky smile on his face.

“You were zoning out.” 

“Didn’t have to throw a piece of rubbish at me.” He mumbles. He tries to be pissed off, but he can’t stay angry at Zayn for long.

Zayn clears his throat, “So, met any cute boys at uni?”

Harry laughs, “Really?”

Zayn laughs with him, “It’s a serious question, mate.” 

Harry shakes his head, “No. They’re all either too drunk or too dumb.”

“Those are the best boys!” 

“Says the straight guy.” 

Zayn ignores the comment. “So you haven’t had much action?”

Harry chucks a pillow at him, hitting him square in the face. “Shut up.”

Zayn cuddles the pillow against his torso. “I’m just curious! We haven’t talked much.” 

Harry sighs. “I know. I’m sorry. I wanted to text you but I waited too long and then felt weird.”

“You should never feel weird about texting your best friend.”  
  
“In my defense, you never texted me either.”  
  
“Hey! I texted you every now and then…”

“When you were drunk.” Harry says, deadpanned.

Zayn chuckles at himself, “Aren’t you happy you come to my mind when I’m drunk?”

Harry laughs. His phone vibrates beside him and he sees a message from an unknown number.

**_hello?_ **

Harry stifles a smile he feels about to grow on his lips. He didn't think Louis would text him this quick.

He notices the time, “My family’s gonna be home soon so unless you wanna get trapped for dinner, I suggest you leave.” 

Zayn smiles and stands up awkwardly, “I do love your family, but I should probably spend time with mine.” He goes over and tackles Harry, gathering him into his arms. “Goodbye, my love.” 

Harry laughs as Zayn makes contact with his waist, “Stop! I’m ticklish there.”

Zayn drops him back on the bed and ruffles his hair. “Good to know.” He winks and then exits the bedroom. 

  
  


…

  
  


“Honey! Come help us.” Anne yells to Harry. Harry carefully walks down the stairs and see’s unfamiliar people with his family entering the house. 

Harry looks at Gem, confused, and takes some bags from her. “What is going on?” He whispers to her as they travel to the living room. 

“I’m sorry, I tried to stop her…” She sets down her bags and then goes up to her room.

Harry places the bags down, gently, and turns around. He’s met with familiar eyes and his stomach drops. _Oh._

Anne reenters the foyer, “Harry! Say hello to our guests.” 

Him and Louis are in an intense staring match. “Hi.” Harry mutters. He blinks and turns his attention toward his mom, “You could’ve told me we're going to have guests. I would’ve gotten dressed.” He references his grey joggers and black t-shirt. 

He sees Louis smirk at him from his peripheral vision, but it's quickly masked with a deadpanned expression.

Anne dismisses him, “It’s fine. Just go get changed now and then be ready for dinner, assuming you haven’t eaten?”

Harry shakes his head. He walks past all the people that are now in his living room and up to his room.

He comes down ten minutes later, to everyone around the dining room table.

Somehow, the dining table seems to have grown now that they added six people. Anne and Louis’ mom are at the head of the table. Then their husbands are next to them, then the triplets, Gem, and Harry on one side, and Louis, his three sisters, and Michael. Of course, Harry and Louis are right across from each other.

This night is going to be interesting to say the least. 

  
  


…

  
  


“Harry, darling, pass me the rolls please.” Anne says, reaching out her hands. Harry grabs the rolls and stretches his long arm to his mother, handing off the basket. He feels a gaze on him but says nothing.

“So, Harry, how are you liking uni?” Louis’ mother asks him. 

Harry finishes chewing and swallows, “Oh, uh. It’s good. I enjoyed it more than high school.” He glances at Louis and sees him wince slightly. 

“Every kid enjoys college more. More freedom, right? And less bullies.” She laughs, borderline fake.

“Okay, mum, we get it.” Louis mutters, angrily. 

Louis’ mom rolls her eyes, “Don’t pay attention to him.” She places a comforting hand on Harry’s forearm. “So, you two must’ve gone to high school together right?”

Harry looks at Louis, somewhat confused. _They were friends before high school, why doesn’t his mom know who he is?_ Louis just shakes his head, subtly. “Yeah, we were in the same grade actually.” He turns his attention back towards Jay. 

“Really?! Louis has never mentioned you.” She turns toward Louis, confused.

“‘Cause we weren’t friends.” He says, stern and short. He plays with his food, avoiding eye contact with anyone at the table. 

His dad speaks up between bites of mashed potatoes, "Be nice, son." His voice is low and gravely, nothing like Louis'. Louis' throat bobbles as he swallows and he continues to just pick at him food.

“No, it’s fine. He’s right. We weren’t friends.”

Anne intercepts, “You two were friends, in middle school, right?" 

Jay looks at her, confused. "I don't seem to remember it." 

Louis' eyes grow slightly and he sits up straighter in his chair, “Can we drop this topic, please?” His voice doesn't waver for a second even though his face is telling Harry something different. 

Harry notices Louis' discomfort and clears his throat. "I'm gonna head to the bathroom." 

He walks into his bathroom and takes out his phone. He sees a red notification above the messages app. _Shit._ He forgot to text Louis back earlier.

He reads the message from the unknown number again and types his own response.

**_louis?_ **

He waits for a response. After what seems like an eternity he receives a bubble.

**_its rude to hide from guests in your own house you know_ **

Harry smiles and rolls his eyes.

**_and its rude to have your phone out at the dinner table, dont you have any manners?_ **

He returns to Louis putting his phone in his back pocket and elbows on the table. His eyes follow Harry until he sits down. Harry smiles slightly but focuses on his food instead. 

…

  
  


“Thank you so much for inviting us, Anne.” Anne and Louis’ mom share a hug and Louis’ mum wrangles all her kids into the outside world. 

Harry makes eye contact with Louis and just nods at him. 

Once they close the door, Harry turns to his mom, “So why did we have them over?”

Anne shrugs her shoulder, heading to the triplets room with one in her arms, asleep. “We ran into her earlier and she brought up the idea since all our kids we’re home.” She puts the child into their bed and tucks them in, giving them a kiss on the forehead. “Plus, Louis seems like a nice boy.”

Harry scoffs, “Yeah, he’s something…” He trails off.

Anne notices something’s up, “What is it?”

Harry looks down at his shoes and shakes his head, “Nothing, I’m just tired.” He lies.

Anne gives him a kiss on the cheek, “Go to sleep, hon. I’m sure you’ve had a long day of sleeping.” She smiles at him.

Harry smiles, though it doesn't reach his eyes, "Goodnight, mum." He begins ascending up the stairs. 

  
  


…

  
  


He’s about to fall asleep when his phone buzzes. He brushes his hand against his eyes and grabs the phone. He winces at the brightness. 

**_hey?_ **

It’s from Louis. Harry’s fingers hover over the keyboard, wondering what to write or whether he should write anything back at all, considering it’s almost 2 in the morning.

He sleepily types out a boring response. 

**_what you doing up?_ **

He waits for a bubble to appear. And waits, and waits. He’s prepared to go back to sleep when his phone vibrates. 

**_couldn’t sleep i guess._ **

**_gas station in 10?_ **

Harry rolls his eyes.

**_are you asking me to hook up in the gas station bathroom, tomlinson?_ **

A bubble appears instantly.

**_bring lube ;)_ **

He chokes and swallows. All he does is stare at the message. Suddenly another bubble appears.

**_dont worrying, im joking. just wanna see you i guess._ **

He notices that his palm got sweaty, wiping them on his blanket.

**_twice in one day isn’t enough for you?_ **

He sits up and turns on the lamp beside his bed as he waits for a response.

**_fine, forget it._ **

Harry leans his head back against the headboard.

**_5 minutes, ill bring the lube if you bring the condoms x_ **

He smiles at his own response, thinking he’s hilarious. He puts on his sneakers and doesn’t bother with a sweatshirt. He’ll be fine.

  
  


…

  
  


He’s met again with the fluorescent lights of the beautiful gas station he loves. It was much colder than he thought outside, so the gas station engulfed him in warmth. He already sees Louis in the back near the gatorade section. Before walking back towards him, he takes in his attire. 

Louis is in black jeans, and a white shirt with some sort of design on it accompanied with a jean jacket, of course. And a nice pair of old black vans. Harry thinks he looks… good.

Harry heads towards the back, “Tomlinson.” 

Louis looks up from his phone, like he wasn’t expecting a guest. “Oh, hey.”

Harry smiles with no teeth, “Wasn’t expecting me?” He shivers' slightly, crossing his arms over his torso.

Louis smiles slightly and looks to the left, “‘Course I was expecting you. Just didn’t think you would show up this quickly.” He notices Harry's shiver, "Do you want a jacket?" He gestures down his own.

Harry shakes his head, "No, I'm fine. Just chillier then I thought it was outside and I haven't defrosted yet." Harry chuckles lightly.

Louis nods his head once, allowing silence to build between them.

“Did you bring the lube?” Louis asks suddenly. 

Harry stares at him in confusion, “What?”

Louis meets his gaze, “I’m joking. Didn’t like the silence.” He shakes his head and looks down at the ground, “Can’t have any fun around here apparently.” 

Harry laughs to not make it seem so awkward, “So why did you wanna meet?”

Louis shrugs and sits on a chair, “I just would rather meet here than bump into each other.” 

Harry sits at the chair across from him, “How sweet. Although, tonight was the night I planned on actually sleeping.”

Louis leans back, “Too bad. Now you have to endure 30 minutes of me.”

“There’s a time limit on this meet up?”  
  
“There is now.”

“Well, lord help me now. Not sure if I can last the whole 30.” Harry crosses his arm and smiles. 

Silence seems to be a common thing between them. They rarely make eye contact, but when they do it’s sort of… electrifying. 

“Wanna make out?” Louis mumbles.

Harry shrugs and looks at his watch, “That would take up some time. I mean, we have 20 minutes left.” 

Louis chuckles, “I’m sure I can last the full 20.”

Harry eyes him up, “Oh, really?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s pretty much 7 minutes in heaven three times.” Louis says smugly.

“Louis, what are we doing here?” Harry asks, abruptly, putting his elbows on his knees to support his upper body.

“What do you mean?” Louis seems taken aback by the sudden-ness.  
  
“We can’t just go from hating each other to wanting to make out in the gas station bathroom. That isn't how this works." His mouth keeps talking without thinking. Not that he isn't curious, he's just being too abrupt about it.   
  
“It’s not too out there, Harold. It happens all the time.”

Harry puts his face in his hands, "In the movies, Louis, but not in real life."

"Maybe we're in a movie. You never know. This could all be broadcasting to a huge audience, like the Truman Show." Harry snorts and laughs from behind his hands.

Louis smiles at Harry’s laugh. “Or we can… be friends.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Friends?” Harry asks, inquisitively. 

Louis nods his head. “I wanna change the way I’ve acted towards you. I-i… don’t think its fair.”

“Oh, it definitely isn’t fair.” Louis looks down at the ground, not finding Harry amusing. 

A question enters Harry's mind and he blurts it out without answering Louis, "Why did you want me to feel worthless?"

Louis flicks his head up, "What?"

"When we were fighting here the other day, you said you wanted to make me feel worthless. Why? You have so much in your life." 

Louis shakes his head and laughs, "But I don't. I might have the house and the money, but my life is much more complicated than you-"

The door opens and both of the boys’ heads fly to see who entered. 

Niall smiles wide at seeing Louis, and acts as if Harry isn’t even there. Harry quickly stands and walks away from Louis, pretending like they hadn’t been congregated. 

“Tommo!” Niall goes up to the boy and hugs him, slapping him hard on the back. Then, he spots Harry in the back making himself look busy. “Oi!” He quiets his voice to a whisper, “What the hell is he doing here?”

Harry laughs at how Niall didn't even notice him there before, so clearly talking to Louis. _Dumbass_. He thinks to himself. 

He sees Louis shrug in the reflection of the freezer doors. “Dunno. Hungry maybe? Who cares? Let's leave him be.” 

Harry grabs a random drink from the fridge, “Don’t worry, boys. I was just leaving.” He doesn't turn toward them, just beelines for the register to get the hell out of there.

Niall laughs, “Better get home and so your mommy can get you all tucked into bed, right?” He mocks like a child. He elbows Louis in the ribs playfully and Louis smacks the back of his head. "Ow!" Niall rubs where Louis just smacked.   
  
Louis laughs at Niall. Harry pays for the drink and stops right as he gets to the door. He turns and faces the two boys. He makes eye contact with Louis, who seems to be holding up a facade in front of Niall. “See you later, boys.” Harry presses his lips together in an attempt to smile and pushes open the gas station door into the cold air.

  
  


…

  
  


He wakes up in the morning to hear three harmonizing screams below him. He groans and puts the pillow over his ear, sandwiching him between the pillow and the mattress.  
  
The screams manage to get through the pillow.

Harry groans again and throws the blanket off of him. He stomps down the stairs, regretting the choice of getting out of the warm bed. 

He surveys the living room. One triplet, Cara, is crying because she spilled her juice all over the floor, another one, Lindsay, is screaming because she’s hungry, and the last triplet, Alexandria, is screaming and crying because Cara’s juice spilled on her pants.

And Anne is nowhere to be seen. 

Harry rubs his face with his hands. “Fucking hell.” He whispers. He hears footsteps behind him on the steps and sees Gemma there, hair in a messy bun, eyes drooping as she leans against the railing. 

“What the hell is happening?” She mumbles to Harry. 

Harry shrugs his shoulders. “No fucking idea.” 

Gemma leans on him for support, “Well. Merry Christmas Eve to us I guess.” She yawns and then goes back upstairs.

 _Christmas Eve?_ He furrows his brows. _Didn’t know it was that time already._ Then he notices a fake Christmas tree shining in the corner. “When the hell did that get there…” He mutters softly. 

He sighs, “MUM!” He yells, hoping to hear a response. The triplets are still screaming, which echoes throughout the house. 

Suddenly he hears a door open and his mom strolls into the foyer like she doesn’t even hear the kids behind her. Harry looks at her, confused. “What?” She says, completely clueless.

Harry gestures to the children, not saying a word. He’s too tired for this.

Anne looks into the living room and dismisses Harry, “Oh, darling. They do this all the time. It’s fine.” 

Harry stares at her in bewilderment. He shakes his head and goes back up to his room, slips on his shoes, and heads out the door, muttering a simple “I’ll be back.” 

  
  


…

  
  


He walks towards Louis’ house, knowing that there’s a bench not too far from it. He just wants to sit and relax in the peaceful England air. 

He sits down on the damp bench, as it rained while he was sleeping. He takes out his phone and texts Liam.

**_miss u_ **

He hears a door open behind him and he turns his head. He sees Jay walk out of the house with Lottie not too far behind. He shrinks down so he’s less likely to be seen.

“Mom! Calm down. Everyone’s fine.” Lottie speaks in an annoyed tone. 

Jay opens the car door. “Say that to Louis.” She enters the car for a second, and Harry hears the engine start. “It’s his birthday for crying out loud.”

Harry burrows his brows, _it’s his birthday?_

Lottie lets out whine, “He’s fine!”

Harry’s stomach tightens. _What the hell happened?_

They enter the house and then reappear minutes later, Louis holding a napkin to his nose and walking with his head toward the sky. “Mum, I’m fine. No need for a hospital.” 

Jay guides him. “I'm not discussing this. We're going to the hospital. Everyone in.”

Lottie stays outside the car, "Mom, let me drive then." She sounds stern.

Jay sighs over-dramatically, "Whatever, Lottie." She hands over the keys and gets into the back.

He watches as the whole family gets in the car, except for Louis' dad. Louis in the front seat. The car goes by him, but Louis is too preoccupied to notice him.

He takes out his phone and types in a message to Louis.

**_happy birthday._ **

He knows he won’t get a response soon, or ever for that matter. He isn’t quite sure what’s happening with them at the current moment. 

He stays sitting on the bench for a bit, until he hears footsteps coming toward him. He looks around and spots Niall going toward the house. Niall stumbles a little when he sees Harry. “Oi! What are you doing here?” Niall yells to him, trying not to get too close.

“Out for a walk.” Harry yells back at him. 

Niall eyes him. “Quite a walk.” 

Harry rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” He mumbles, going back to fumbling with his rings.

Suddenly, Niall appears next to him. “You got rings?”

Harry flinches slightly at the boy, “Oh, uh.. Yeah.” He moves his hand so the rings are more clear for Niall to see.

“Why?” Niall stretches his neck to see them better.

Harry shrugs. “I like them.” He admires one of a rose that his sister got him for graduating high school.

Niall takes one of Harry’s hand in his own, inspecting the rings closer. “Kinda gay. But whatever you're into I guess.” 

Harry takes his hand away from Niall at that comment. “What are you doing here?” His voice flat. 

Niall motions back to Louis’ house, “The hell does it matter to you." Niall sniffles once, "I gotta wish my mate a happy birthday.”

Harry chuckles lightly. “Well, might have to come back later.” 

Niall scrunchies his face, “Are you stalking him or something?” His voice gets protective.

Harry shakes his head. “No. I just happened to be here when his family left.”

“And Louis was with them?” 

Harry nods his head.

“Oh.” Niall shifts uncomfortably. “Well, okay then.” 

Harry watches the short but slender boy leave. "Nice talking to you too." He mutters to himself. 

…

  
  


He opens the door to his home and it’s silent. Almost too silent. “Mum?” He calls out. 

No answer. 

He goes into the kitchen and sees a post-it note on the fridge.

_We all went out! Feel free to meet up with us, we’ll be in town x_

He scoffs. His own family left without him. Whatever.

He grabs a water bottle out of the fridge and heads upstairs. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket and quickly grabs it. 

**_thanks hazzy._ **

**_can i come over today?_ **

Harry stares at the message, surprised that Louis is the one initiating the meet-up. He clears his throat and texts Gem.

**_when do u think u’ll be back?_ **

Gemma replies instantly.

**_Dinner, like usual._ **

**_Also, stop abbreviating. You arent that cool :)_ **

He laughs and goes back to Louis’ message.

**_yeah of course_ **

**_any specific time?_ **

A bubble appears.

**_be about an hour_ **

He nods and puts his phone down. So. Guess he’s coming over today.

  
  


…

  
  


Harry closes the door behind Louis and they both stand in the foyer.

Louis has a small bandage over his nose and its quite bruised. 

Harry points at it, “Are you alright?”

Louis clears his throat, “Yeah. Just got a bloody nose earlier.”

Harry begins walking up the stairs, Louis following suit. “It looks like you got punched.” He turns around once he gets to the top to face Louis and continues walking backward. “Did Louis get into a fight?” He smiles mischievously. 

Louis shakes his head but he’s smiling. “You’d like to know, wouldn’t ya?”

Harry flops on his bed, feeling a sense of comfort around Louis. “I would. I did ask after all.” 

Louis flops down next to him, not too close though. “Well, if you really want to know, I did get punched earlier.” His voice seems playful, so Harry pushes. 

Harry uses one arm to prop himself up, facing Louis. “By who?”

Louis stays on his back, looking at Harry. “That doesn’t matter.” His voice is more serious now.

“It does to me.” Harry's smile drops a bit, noticing the change in energy.

“You like me, Styles?”

“I think it's the other way around, Tomlinson.” He jokes.

Louis stares at the ceiling, looking uncomfortable. His cheeks flush the lightest shade of pink. Harry ignores it, flops back down on his bed and stares with him. “Niall was looking for you earlier.”

"How do you know?” His voice sounds relieved that he changed the subject.

“That doesn’t matter.” He smirks. “He just was. Wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”

Louis breathes in deeply. Harry turns his head to face him. “I feel comfortable around you.” 

He turns his head to face Harry. “Yeah?” 

Harry nods and stares at him. “I know I shouldn’t, since you did bully me and all." - Louis winces slightly - "But I just do. I feel like we’re best friends or something.” 

Louis studies Harry’s face. “I… thank you.” He mutters.

Harry chuckles, “That wasn’t something to say ‘thank you’ too but I’ll take it.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not great at this whole talking thing.” He laughs awkwardly. 

Harry moves himself to be perpendicular to the headboard, leaning against it. “Come.” He pats the space beside him.

Soon the two boys are laying next to each other. Harry's bare arm is brushing against the roughness of Louis' jean jacket that he has seemed to never take off. He enjoys this feeling. “Let’s do it.”

Louis turns to him, “What?”

“Be friends.” His arm brushes against Louis’. “I never got to answer earlier.” He stares Louis right in the eyes, softly. 

Louis smiles. “G-great. I’m glad.” 

Harry smiles back and rests his head on Louis’ shoulder. He feels Louis’ breath hitch a bit, but then steadily goes back into a smooth rhythm. Harry feels Louis' jaw tighten a smidge.

“I think I might be gay.” 

“I know.”

  
  


…

  
  


Once Louis has left and his family arrives home, they all sit in the living room. 

“So we each get to open one present, like usual.” Anne smiles proudly and hands a gift to Gem and Harry. “You two can go first, so then you won’t have to wait for the triplets.” 

Harry opens the gift and it’s… a watch. “Oh, thank you, mum.”

“Do you like it? I just figured you need a watch to keep track of time and make sure you get to class on time.” 

Harry smiles, “No, thank you. It’s really lovely.” He isn’t totally overwhelmed. A watch isn’t exactly a gift that every college student wants, but he’s grateful. It’s an expensive watch too. 

After everyone else opens their gifts, Harry says goodnight and heads up to his room.

**_come over._ **

Harry stares at the message and looks at the contact. 

**_lou, are you insane?_ **

A message appears. 

**_you make me feel really comfortable_ **

**_please?_ **

**_it can be my birthday gift from you ;)_ **

Harry laughs quietly as he slips on his sneakers.

**_let me make sure my family goes to sleep, i’ll text you_ **

  
  


…

  
  


He waits 15 minutes and quietly leaves his bedroom. He decides to go out the back door, as it’s quicker to get to Louis’ backyard that way. 

He passes the kitchen and sees Anne sitting at the island. “Oh, hey mum.”

Anne looks up, “Harry, what are you doing down here?” She takes in his attire, “Are you.. sneaking out?” Her lips curl up in amusement. 

Harry shrugs, “I was gonna go see Zayn.” 

Anne laughs, “Alright, darling. I thought you were tired but go ahead.” 

Harry laughs with her, “Yeah, Zayn just asked me to come so I thought I might as well.”

“Of course, be safe.”  
  
Harry nods at her and leaves the house. 

  
  


…

  
  


He opens the gate to Louis’ backyard and takes out his phone.

**_hey?_ **

He hears a window open from the second floor and Louis’ head pops out. “Hope you can climb.” He whispers into the air.

Harry glares up at him, “Just come open the door.” 

Louis gives an exasperated groan and shuts the window. Harry waits outside, shuffling his feet to keep warm. He looks around at the white Christmas lights that border the magnificent house. He's always appreciated the white lights instead of the multicolored ones, it just seems more festive.

The back door opens and Louis ushers him inside. They both quietly go upstairs and enter Louis’ bedroom.

Harry takes in his surroundings. The walls are a dark forest green, with nice hardwood floors. All the wood in his room is dark, and his bed is tucked up against the wall. He has a bunch of football posters on the wall, and his desk is cluttered with all sorts of things. It has a hint of cigarette smoke and vanilla in the air.

He loves it honestly.

Louis lays on his bed and Harry lays next to him, making sure to take off his shoes. They lay next to each other in silence. 

“So, you missed me?”

Louis chuckles and pushes Harry, “Shut up.”

Harry grins, “I feel appreciated.” He shivers a bit, noticing a chill in Louis’ room all of a sudden.

Louis notices, “Wanna blanket?” 

Harry shakes his head, “Oh, no. I’m fine.” 

Louis grabs a blanket and puts it over them both. Their ankles bump into each other and their thighs brush against each other at moments. Louis isn't wearing his jean jacket, but instead is wearing a red Manchester sweatshirt. He takes Harry's hand in his own and nuzzles his head into Harry's neck. Harry smiles at the affection, rubbing his cheek against Louis soft hair.

They lay like that for a while, just absorbing the warmth.

“Why doesn’t your mother know about me?”

Louis doesn’t respond, so Harry assumes he went to sleep. He sighs and gets comfortable.

“She’s sick.” Louis mutters. 

Harry feels something in his throat. “Oh. I’m sorry.” He whispers. He feels Louis' jaw tighten sharply on his chest. 

“She has this certain type of brain cancer or something. I’m not sure what it is.” His voice quivers. 

Harry places two fingers under Louis' chin and guides his head up to match the same height as Harry. He sees that he has his eyes closed and his cheeks are slightly red. The white lights from outside cast a glow onto his face, his tears reflecting the light off. He decides not to say anything.

“There isn’t a cure for it. We all just have to watch her slowly forget us.” Tears begin streaming harder down his face. Harry envelops the sobbing boy into his arms, petting his hair. 

“I’m so sorry, Lou.” He whispers into his hair, kissing the top of his head. He feels Louis shake, a small sob coming from him. 

“Some days she’s so bright and cheery, other days she doesn’t even remember who Lottie is.” He grabs at the fabric of Harry’s tee. Harry just keeps rubbing Louis’ back and giving him small little kisses on the top of his head. “I hate not being able to help.” He whimpers.

“I know, Lou.” He feels his eyes start to burn but manages to hold it in. It isn’t his time to cry. 

Louis sniffles, still sobbing a good amount. “Cry it all out, okay? I’m here for you.” 

Louis seems to cry harder at that, so Harry moves to look down at him. “Hey… did I say something wrong?”

Louis shakes his head, “No. Not at all. You do everything right. You know what to say, you know how to comfort something. We’ve been friends for a day and I’m already crying to you.” 

Harry smiles and takes the small boy into his arms again. “It’s quite insane, innit?” He hears Louis laugh a bit. “But crying is good. It helps with it all.” He rubs small circles on Louis’ back.

“My parents are homphobic.” His voice is small.

Harry’s stomach drops. “Okay.” He breaths. He wants to dive in more, but decides to let Louis control the conversation.

“And I think I like you.” His voice breaks.

Harry looks down at the quivering, shaking boy. He leans and gives him a light kiss. “Okay.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a slight mention of self harm at the end of this chapter! it doesn't go into detail, but I just thought it would be better to warn everyone :)
> 
> enjoy :)

Harry wakes up and feels the early morning sun shining in on his face. He isn’t in his bed… _oh._

He looks down at Louis. The sun hits his face perfectly, highlighting his strong cheekbones and flushed cheeks. His mouth is open slightly, and his breathing is even. Harry can’t help but smile. 

Then, he remembers last night. 

Louis being so vulnerable. Crying, admitting, telling. Harry pulls Louis into him, closer than before. He gives him a soft kiss on his forehead, moving his long hair out of the way. 

Louis moves slightly and licks his lips. He stretches, still in Harry’s arms. He opens his eyes and stares at Harry.

“Goodmorning.” Harry says, voice hoarse from just waking up.

Louis smiles, but then his eyes widen. He pushes Harry away and gets up. “Y-you have to leave.” He blinks rapidly, looking around.

Harry rubs his eyes and sits up, “What?”

Louis grabs Harry’s shoes and brings them to him. “You have to go. Before my dad gets up. Or anyone in my family. Go.” Harry hears the panic in his voice.

Harry looks at him, puzzled, but does what he says. He slips on his shoes and follows Louis out of his room.

Louis tiptoes throughout his house, and then they hear someone in the kitchen. _Shit._

Louis extends an arm, signaling for Harry to wait. 

Louis walks into the kitchen and sees Lottie. “What are you doing up?” 

“What are you doing up?” She responds, mocking her brother.

“Well, go back to sleep.” 

“Why?”

“It’s Christmas, Santa still has to come.” 

“Louis. I’m 16. You don’t have to act like I don’t know the truth.” Louis looks back and meets Harry’s eyes. Harry observes Louis from behind. The way his joggers climb up his legs and hug his ass. 

“Lottie, please. I still have to put out the gifts. Just… do it for mum. Please.” Harry creases his eyebrow in confusion, then he remembers what Louis admitted last night. _His mom is sick._ Harry's heart aches. 

Silence takes over. Lottie sighs, “Fine. But I'm only doing this for mum.” She gets up and Harry quickly realizes that she has to come up the stairs. He silently runs up the stairs and enters Louis’ room before Lottie can see him.

Some time later, Louis comes up the stairs and grabs him. 

They walk outside and around to the side of the house, so they have no chance of being seen by anyone. “Thank you for inviting me over.” Harry says quietly. He shivers against the cold wind that whips through the small passage they're in. He scoots closer to Louis, wanting to be enveloped in his warmth again.

Louis nods, “Thank you for letting me talk.” His voice is even softer than Harry’s. 

Harry steps closer to him, “Can I kiss you?” 

Louis looks around nervously and when he realizes that no one else is up at this hour, he nods and Harry presses his lips against his. Harry puts a hand on Louis’ waist, and Louis gets even closer to Harry. Harry feels coarse fingers on his neck, gently caressing his skin there. 

They part and Harry rests his forehead against Louis’. “Merry Christmas, Lou.”

“Merry Christmas, Haz.” 

And with that, Harry leaves Louis and heads toward his own house. 

  
  


…

  
  


He walks in through the back door, being as quiet as possible. 

“Welcome home.” A voice beckons.

Harry freezes. He turns to the kitchen and sees Gemma sitting there with a cup of coffee. He releases the tension in his shoulders. “Hi, Gem.”

Gem looks at him, expectedly. “Where did you go?”

“Is mum awake?” Gem shakes her head. Harry happily lets out a breath.

“Where did you go? And tell me the honest answer.” 

“I went to Zayn’s.” His voice gets small.

Gem chuckles with no humor behind it, “That’s funny.”

Harry rubs his face and moves to sit next to Gemma. “Fine. Just, don’t make fun of me, okay?”

Gemma shrugs, “Of course.” She takes a sip of her coffee.

“Well, before I start. I’m gay.” He says it nonchalantly. 

“I know. I got my $20 from Zayn already.” 

Harry laughs and shakes his head, “Of course you did. Anyway.” He pauses and licks his lips. “I was at this guy's house. That wasn’t Zayns.”

“No shit, sherlock.” 

“It was Louis’.” He blurts out.

Gemma stares at him, mouth agape. “I-I’m sorry?”

“Louis Tomlinson. I slept over at his house.” 

“The guy who bullied you throughout secondary school? The guy who was over here the other day with his family and was saying how you guys weren't friends? That Louis Tomlinson?”

“Is there another one?” Harry snaps. He places his elbows on the island and puts his face in his palms, processing everything.

“I’m sorry, that’s just the last name I would ever expect for you to say.”

“Yeah, well it happened.” 

“Like, _it_ happened?” She asks, voice low to not be overheard.

“NO!” He raises his voice and then he quickly shrinks his shoulders. “No, It’s just a complicated situation.” 

Gemma raises her eyebrows, “Okay. Just be safe. I trust you to make good decisions.” She stands up. “Also, I’m glad you’re gay. Gives the family some spice.” 

“Borderline homophobic.” Harry mumbles into his hands. He hears Gemma laugh and rub his shoulders. 

“Love you too.” She walks upstairs. 

Harry takes out his phone and sees a message from Liam.

**_merry christmas mate. love you. cant wait to see you back at uni x_ **

Harry smiles. 

**_merry christmas lad. call later?_ **

Liam sends back a thumbs up emoji. Harry lets out a soft sigh and goes up to his room.

  
  


…

  
  


After everyone has woken up in the house, they all sit around the tree. Harry watches as the triplets rip open their gifts, excited for 30 seconds until moving on to the next one. Children are so greedy.

Harry doesn’t get much, just some new joggers and a pair of Chelsea boots. Since he started uni, he focused more on his fashion and his style, and found a love for Chelsea boots. 

They eat breakfast, Harry scarfing down three whole plates of eggs, bacon, sausage, and hashbrowns. 

“I think I’m gonna invite the Malik’s and the Tomlinson’s later tonight.” Anne announces to the table while trying to get one of the triplets to eat their food.

Harry starts to cough and Gemma looks at him like _are you okay?_ Harry nods his head, indicating that he’s okay. Just wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mother’s mouth. “Sorry, went down the wrong pipe.” He says through coughing.

Anne continues talking. “I mean, we've all grown closer since we all had kids go off to college at the same time. I just thought it might be nice.” 

Gemma nods, “Yeah, I guess so.” She doesn’t sound sincere about it.

“Why don’t we invite the Horan’s too? Make it a whole party.” He subtly rolls his eyes, but his voice is clearly sarcastic.

Anne is oblivious as she smiles, “That’s a lovely idea! Bobby must still work at that horrid music store, right?”  
  
Harry winces but nods his head. “I wouldn’t call it a horrid, but yes he does. I visited him the other day.”  
  
“You did? When?”

“When we all went to town together. We passed it so I went in to say hi. He’s doing well.” Harry takes a sip of orange juice.

“I’ll see if Jay can get in touch with him.” She smiles and turns her attention back towards the twins.

 _Fuck._

  
  


…

  
  


Harry goes up to his room after breakfast.

**_we might have a problem._ **

Louis’ name pops up on the screen.

**_?_ **

Harry types out a long response.

**_my mum is inviting your family, the Maliks, and the Horans over for Christmas dinner later. the Horans were my fault, I didn’t think she actually would._**

**_what should we do?_ **

Harry stares at the messages. He tries to think of an idea of how to get them out of this.

**_suck it up? not much else to do i guess_ **

Harry palms his forehead. 

**_gas station in 5?_ **

Louis replies instantly.

**_sounds good_ **

  
  


…

  
  


Harry enters the gas station and sees Louis already there. “How do you get here so fast?”

Louis smiles at him, “I’m quick, what can I say?”

Harry wants to kiss him on the cheek, but he plants his feet a good two feet away from Louis. Louis crosses his arm, the jean jacket bunching up where his elbows bend. 

Harry knows he isn’t being truthful, but leaves it at that. “So, do we just act totally normal tonight? I mean Zayn and Niall still think that we hate each other.” 

Louis shrugs. “I don’t think any of us have much control over it.”

Harry leans against the wall, “This is gonna be a disaster.”

Louis chuckles and leans next to Harry. “You said it.” 

"So, what happened yesterday? 

"What do you mean?"

Harry gestures to his nose. "That."

Louis shrugs. "Just a disagreement. It's fine."

"Don't lie to me Louis."

"It doesn't matter. Drop it." His voice goes serious.

Harry rolls his eyes. "I just want you to feel free to talk to me." 

"I do. I want to talk to you, just..." He looks around and leans closer to Harry. "Not here. Not in public." 

Harry nods, "Okay. That's fine. Um, I should go. I gotta call a mate from back home. See you later though."

Louis smiles at him as he heads out the door.

...

" _Didn't think you'd actually call."_ Liam laughs through the phone.

"Oi! What's that supposed to mean?" 

_"Just figured you'd be busy."_

"I said I was gonna call. So I called. We're talking. I follow. through." He drops down onto his bed. 

" _I know, I know. So any gossip?_ "

Harry sighs. "Where do I begin?'

" _At the beginning?_ "

"Stop with that." Harry chuckles. "So, you remember when I called you that night about the Louis kid?"

" _Yeah, 'course._ "

"He likes me. But his parents are homophobic and he has family troubles and all that."

" _Wow. How does it feel to be wanted?_ " Liam says playfully.

"Yeah yeah yeah. I slept over at his house last night."

" _Like... slept over or_ slept _over?_ "

"Slept. Nothing like that... yet." 

" _Yet?_ "

"It's a confusing situation." Harry starts playing with a loose thread coming out of the waistband on his joggers. "I should get ready for Christmas dinner. Love you mate."

" _Love you more, baby._ " Harry laughs at the nickname and hangs up the phone. 

…

  
  


Harry gets out of the shower and checks his phone, scrunching his long curly hair. A message from Louis grabs his attention.

**_ready for the shitshow?_ **

He smiles and types with one finger.

**_ready as i’ll ever be_ **

**_you gonna dress up?_ **

Harry continues scrunching his hair and then throws the towel onto the floor. He'll pick it up later. His phone buzzes.

Harry stares at the message. It's a picture of Louis in a white button up with a blue blazer, the top two buttons undone showing off some of a tattoo, and black skinny jeans. Harry isn't sure what to respond with. It's refreshing for Louis to be in something other than the jean jacket. He looks refreshed. 

_**don't you look dashing ;)** _

He smiles a big, ridiculous, toothy grin, forcing his eyes to look away from the attractive man. 

Harry puts on a nice, blue button-up with his best pair of black skinny jeans. He wears his new brown Chelsea boots. He styles his hair to his liking, still a bit damp. He should’ve taken a shower earlier in the day, but not much to do about it now.

He walks past the door right as the doorbell rings. He decides to open it and is met with Zayn’s family. He sighs in relief and smiles. “The Maliks. Welcome!” He takes Zayn’s mom into a hug and kisses her cheek. He's glad Zayn showed up first.

“My, you’ve grown so much.” She smiles up at him. 

Harry smiles back at her, "Thank you, ma'am." Harry grabs Zayn from the group as they go further into the house. “Come.” He whispers.

They get up to his room and Harry closes the door. “So the Tomlinson’s and the Horan’s are also coming for dinner.”  
  
Zayn’s eyebrows crease, “What? Niall and Louis?”  
  
Harry nods, “Yes.” Zayn looks like he's about to explode into a rant before Harry interjects, “And you were right.”  
  
Zayn stares at him, chest slightly puffed, “Well yeah. I know. But about what?”  
  
“Louis does- did. He did like me.” He stutters.

“How do you know for sure?”  
  
“He… told me.” 

“Are you secretly fucking him or something?” Zayn starts to raise his voice.

Harry puts his hands out to calm him down, “No, nothing like that. We’ve just... ran into each other recently. No biggie.” He says, thinking of last night and how Louis cried into him and cuddled him. How they kissed delicately. Zayn doesn't need to know all the details yet.   
  
“It would’ve been nice to know.” Zayn rubs his forehead with his thumb and pointer finger.

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what it was at first.”

“Does he still like you?” 

Harry hesitates. “I... think he does.” _Louis i_ _s going to kill him._

Zayn throws his arms up in disbelievement. “Are you fucking serious? Fill me in on these things!”

“I know, I know! I’m sorry!”  
  
“Well, at least you don’t like him back, so it’s fine.” Harry says nothing. Zayn looks at him like he can’t take another mind-boggling information today. _Fuck, he can't lie._ “You don’t like him back, right?” He says, more stern.

“I’m not sure.” He whispers.  
  
“I can’t fucking handle this right now. Does anyone else know about this?” 

“Gem, but I think that’s it. I doubt Louis has told anyone. He isn’t surrounded by the best people…” 

Zayn palms his face, “I will deal with this later.” They hear the door open downstairs and Harry hears Jay enter. 

“I just had to tell you. Please don’t be angry. And don't act weird tonight.” Harry puts his hand on Zayn’s shoulders and looks him right in the eyes, being apologetic. 

Zayn sighs and brings him into a hug. “I won't. Promise.” 

“Thank you. So much." He plants his head into his neck.

“I suppose we should get started on this night, right?” Zayn goes out the bedroom door. 

Harry smiles slightly, “I guess so.” He. whispers to himself. 

  
  


…

  
  


Anne had to make the table bigger to accommodate the insane amount of guests she invited. Harry had to drag up three smaller tables from the basement and arrange them to how his mother wanted. 

There still isn’t enough space, so Anne decided that the four boys of each family would sit together at the kitchen island, to ‘bond’. Harry wanted to throw up at the idea. 

Everyone grabs a plate and the four boys sit at the island. They hear their families' conversation from the other room, but they’re unable to see them. 

They just eat in silence. 

Finally, Zayn speaks. “This food is really good.” 

Harry smiles and takes a bite, “My mum does know how to cook a good ham.” Louis is eating more than he did the other night, but isn’t eating it as fast as the other boys. “You okay there, Louis?”

Louis snaps back to reality, “Hm? Oh yeah. I’m fine.” Harry nods his head, not believing him.

“This is fucking awkward.” Niall blurts out. Niall may not be the best person, but he can still manage to keep a conversation going.

Harry laughs, “You got that right. I didn’t sign up for this either.” 

They all fall into an awkward conversation about each boys’ uni experience. They all went to different colleges, so each one is vastly different. 

“I hooked up with this guy last year and woke up outside on the porch of his frat house, with nothing but boxers on. It was embarrassing and confusing, to say the least. I had to just walk off the porch, and through campus to my dorm. Everyone staring at my practically fully naked body.” Harry laughs at his own experience, and everyone laughs with him.

“What a sight.” Louis mumbles, smirking a bit, but still not making eye contact with Harry. Luckily, only Harry hears him, as Zayn and Niall have changed the conversation about football.

Harry smirks and bounces his knee so it brushes against Louis'. He sees Louis trying to hide his face as his smirk grows, which makes Harry smile. 

  
  


…

  
  


The boys decide to go to the gas station after dinner, with permission from the parents of course. They have actually got along quite well tonight, which is very surprising. 

Niall enters the gas station, “My home!” He walks around like he owns the place.

Zayn holds back Harry while Louis follows Niall. “This is actually really nice.” 

“I agree. I’m not sure what exactly changed since high school. But we get along like a proper friend group.” 

Zayn nods, “It’s a bit weird, don’t you think?”

Harry questions him, “What?”

Zayn shrugs and looks around, “It just feels too different. Like a bad type of different. I don’t know, it’s stupid.” 

Harry shakes his head, “No, it’s fine to have doubts. They weren’t the nicest to me anyway.” He looks over and sees Louis glaring at him. Harry smiles, but Louis continues to glare. 

“Yeah, I just don’t want them to hurt you anymore.”

Harry wraps his arm around his shoulders, “Don’t worry, Zaynie. I can handle myself now. I'm a strong man.” He jokingly flexes his arms and laughs. 

Zayn smiles, "Yeah, I know. Just protective of you. Looks like someone else is too." He nods toward the direction of Louis, who looks away just as Harry turns his head. 

Harry just shrugs his shoulders, "I guess so." 

  
  


…

  
  
  


After everyone leaves Harry’s house, he lays on his bed, properly tired. He takes out his phone. 

**_you okay?_ **

A bubble appears.

**_yeah._ **

Harry bites his bottom lip.

**_just seemed off at the gas station, wanted to make sure you were alright_ **

He waits for a response.

**_Im fine. plus, dont you have to gossip about me with ‘zaynie’ anyway?_ **

Harry can hear the sarcasm through text. He scoffs.

**_are you serious right now?_**

**_i told him about us_**

Suddenly his phone rings and Louis’ contact comes up. He hits the green button and presses phone to his ear. 

“ _What do you mean you told him about us?_ ” Louis is firm and serious.

Harry pulls the phone away from his ear, recoiling from how loud Louis is. “Calm down, I just told him that we aren’t enemies anymore. Nothing else.” 

“ _Shit, Harry. You have to tell me if you were gonna tell everyone in the entire fucking neighborhood that we're fucking._ ” He groans. 

“We aren't even fucking! We're friends, Louis." Harry inhales sharply. "We don't talk to anyone else in this fucking hellhole. Zayn isn't going to tell anyone about us."

“ _There isn’t even an us! We aren’t together! We aren’t a thing!_ ” He knows Louis wants to yell but he can’t, so it’s a hushed, stern whisper. 

“I’m sorry, but maybe I’ve misinterpreted something. Didn’t you say you might like me?” 

“ _That doesn’t mean we’re dating. You know we can’t do that.”_

“Would you want to?” Harry asks, calm. 

“ _What?_ ” Louis breathes heavily. 

“If we could, would you want to?”

Louis scoffs, “ _Harry. It doesn’t matter what I want._ ” 

“Yes, it does.” He slips on his shoes. “Do you want to come over or should I?”

He hears Louis try to stifle a sob. “ _I don’t want to see you._ ” 

“I’ll be over in 5.” And he hangs up the phone without waiting for Louis to answer. 

  
  


…

  
  


Louis opens the back door for Harry once he arrives, and they silently go up to Louis bedroom. Right as the door closes, Harry gathers Louis into his arms.

Louis immediately starts to sob. He grabs onto Harry for support, and Harry feels like he might crumble if he lets go. “Hey, hey. It’s okay, Lou.” He keeps one arm around his waist and another in his hair.

“N-no. It’s not… okay…” He says through sobs.

Harry guides them towards the bed and they lay down. Harry positions Louis between his legs, making sure he’s secure. 

“It will be, I’m here now, okay?” He pecks Louis' head. “I got you now.” He whispers as Louis continues to cry into his chest. 

“I hate being here. Everything's shit. My mother isn't capable of doing things on her own half the time. Lottie gets these boyfriends who treat her like shit. The twins are hectic. I have to act as the parent in the household. My father is-" He takes a breath, cutting himself off. Harry rubs small circles into his waist. "Ever since I got here, they just want me to do everything. Be everywhere. At least I didn't have to cook the fucking ham for tonight, right? My father can at least do something right in this fucking mess besides throw a good punch." He sobs harder into Harry's chest. His grasp has only gotten tighter on Harry's tee.

Harry wants to cry at the last sentence. It makes rage bubble up inside of him. He grinds his teeth together.

Harry tightens his grip. “Hey, Lou, look at me. Please.”  
  
Louis lifts his head to stare at Harry. Harry sees his cheeks are flushed and streaked with tears. His lip is quivering with every short breath he takes. Harry moves his hair away from his face. "I'll never hurt you. Ever." His voice quivers, but he keeps it together. 

Louis’ eyes turn grateful, and he kisses Harry softly. Harry continues to rub his back, wanting to make him feel comfortable. “I promise you.” Harry says softly against Louis' lips. 

Louis lays his head on Harry’s chest. “Thank you, Haz.” Harry takes his wrists in his hands and he feels small scars. Louis quickly retracts his hands into his sleeves, so Harry can't grab them.

“Lou, I like you too.” 

Louis wipes at his eyes with his sleeves and sniffles. He sits up so he’s eye level with Harry. “What?”  
  
Harry smiles, “You heard me.” He grabs Louis’ wrists again and moves the fabric up his arms. He kisses each of them softly, not breaking eye contact with Louis. Louis lets out a small breath, staring at Harry in wonderment. Harry releases his lips from Louis' wrist and looks up to meet his darkened eyes. “I like you.”


	6. Chapter 6

Louis looks up at Harry and takes him all in. Harry rubs Louis’ wrist, wanting him to feel safe and adored. Harry fell for this boy so fast, he isn’t even sure how he got here. But here he is, on Christmas, cuddled with a boy who wanted to make him feel worthless in high school. 

Louis gives Harry a soft kiss and lingers there for a moment. Harry pulls Louis into him, giving him a more passionate kiss. Harry feels a sensation in his abdomen. Harry cups Louis' face in one of his palms and feels the wetness that stained the boys cheeks. 

Harry softly nibbles on Louis’ bottom lip, a moan escaping from both boys. Louis straddles Harry’s hips. Louis starts trailing kisses on his jaw. Harry lifts his head to expose more of his neck.   
  
Louis bites Harry’s neck softly. “H-harry?”

“Yeah?” He moans. His hands are under Louis’ shirt, touching his bare back. He makes sure that he isn’t being too forceful, just making sure Louis is secure.

“Can we…?” 

Harry unlatches Louis from his neck, "Like... fully?"  
  
Louis swallows audibly, "Uh, I mean, I'm not sure exactly what to do in order to do it... uh... _fully_."  
  
Harry laughs at Louis' stuttering. "We don't have to do that today. Or ever." He presses his thumb into Louis back dimples. Louis slightly shudders at the contact. "I just want to make sure you're content, and okay with this." Harry's eyes move up and down, watching Louis' mouth purse and eyes anxiously watch his fumbling hands. "Lou?"  
  
"Let's not do it fully. I-" He licks his lips and stares at Harry. "I wanna give you a blowjob." He says confidently. "That's what I want to do."  
  
Harry's mouth widens, showing his teeth. "How could I ever say no to that?" He presses his palms into Louis' back, guiding them towards one another. Their lips smack against each other as Harry swiftly pulls Louis' shirt off of him. Louis follows suit, but ends up fumbling with getting the sleeves off of Harry's long limbs.

"How did you do that so effortlessly?" He says, throwing the shirt on the ground.

Harry smiles, kisses him again and runs his hands over Louis' bare back, "I'm horny, what can I say?"

  
  


…

  
  


They both lay in Louis’ bed, Harry’s arm wrapped around the smaller boy. They breathe heavily and their foreheads are glistened with sweat. Harry moves his thumb gently against Louis’ bicep as Louis traces Harry’s stomach. 

"Wow" is all Harry says.

Louis giggles, sending vibrations through Harry's stomach. "Good?"

Harry pecks his forehead, "Yeah. Very good. Surprised that was your first time doing that." He hums. Louis hums back, smiling to himself. 

"I think I'm starting to understand you." Harry whispers to himself.

Louis cranes his neck to look up at Harry, giving him a gentle kiss on his jawline. "Hm?"

"When you said you wanted me to feel worthless in high school and everything," Louis' cheeks turn red with embarrassment, "I didn't understand why. But now, I'm beginning to get it."

Louis chews on his bottom lip, "My parents can't know about us." He sounds as though if he continued the sentence he would breakdown on the spot. Harry runs his fingers along Louis' bicep.

"There's an us?" Harry feels a smile growing on his face.

Louis places his head on Harry's heart, his fingers tracing a butterfly tattoo on Harry's abs. "I just meant like... they can't know we've done things... together."

Harry chuckles, "If I ever get into a conversation with your parents, I promise I won't bring up that you know how to suck cock, and you're good at it too." Harry can feel Louis smile on his chest, silent laughter. "Should I go?"

Louis doesn't respond. "Lou?" He moves his head slightly and sees Louis' mouth agape and beginning to snore. Harry smiles with no teeth, dimples showing properly. "Goodnight, Lou." He whispers, before drifting off himself. 

…

  
  


He wakes up to the sound of a vibrating phone against wood. Louis is still right on top of him, same position as before. Harry blinks, taking in the boy.   
  
The phone continues to buzz and he sees Louis' phone lighting up on the nightstand. He grabs it and sees Niall’s contact. He lets it go to voicemail. He snuggles back up with Louis until the phone buzzes again. He groans softly, grabbing the phone just to watch it go to voicemail again.

**_mate wake up_ **

**_i need you right now_ **

**_please lou_ **

**_alright fine_ **

Louis' phone stops buzzing from all the texts and calls, and Harry cuddles back with Louis. Niall gave up. 

Or at least that’s what Harry thought. 

He hears little clicks at the window, which makes Louis stir. Harry rubs his bicep up and down with his palm, calming him. 

“What’s that noise?” His voice is hoarse and hushed. 

“It sounds like someone throwing pebbles at your window.” Harry whispers into his ear, giving him a small kiss.

Louis groans and pulls the blanket over his head, but the clattering continues. “Louis, I think someone is throwing pebbles at your window.” Harry says again, knowing he can’t go see who it is but also knowing neither of them will be able to sleep. "I should probably go anyway." 

Louis groans again but sits up. He registers what Harry said, "Wait what time is it?"

Harry feels around for his own phone, "No clue." He yawns and then sees a digital clock on Louis dresser, "Oh, looks like it's almost 3am."

Louis nods and stretches, his back muscles flexing. "You should probably go."

He opens the window and shudders at the coldness, “What?” He asks, still groggy. 

“For fucks sake, mate! Answer your fucking phone. Get down here.” Niall scream-whispers into the cold air.

Louis dismisses him and closes the window, but puts on his boxers, eyes barely open, “I’ll be right back, I guess.” He finishes getting dressed and leaves the bedroom. 

Harry lays in the bed before letting out a long breath and sitting up, the cold air hitting his chest. He throws the blanket off of him as hears the boys talking indistinctly outside. All he hears is Louis saying "Just, go home. Get cleaned up. Or take a stroll around the block and come back. Jesus Ni."

 _Get cleaned up? Weird._ Harry dismisses his though and begins walking toward his discarded clothing pile on the floor when the door begins to open. 

He sees Louis standing there, looking smaller than usual. His shoulders hunched and his face scrunched. Harry gets concerned and lightly touches his forearm. “Lou? What's wrong?”

Louis enters the room and shuts the door softly behind him. “Niall got into fight." He looks more awake now, and his voice lost its raspiness. 

Harry wrinkles his eyebrows. “He got into a fight? With who?” 

Harry watches the boys face processing every thought running through his head. "Don't be angry."

Harry smiles softly, squeezing on Louis' elbow. "Who did he fight?" 

Louis swallows nervously. "Zayn." 

“H-he got into a fight with… Zayn?” His voice quivers. His nose burns and his eyes become glassy. He looks around for his phone and sees it right next to his shoes. He lets go of Louis and grabs it. He sees several missed phone calls and several messages.

**_harry?_ **

**_mate please_ **

**_are you with louis right now?_ **

**_leave right now if you are_ **

**_come over_ **

**_jesus harry answer the goddamn phone_ **

**_whatever. fuck you_ **

“Shit.” He spits and puts on his boxers. "Fuck. Fucking fuck." He swears, fumbling with his pants. 

"I'm sorry." A small voice says behind him.

"You didn't fight with him, did you?" Harry is more angry than he intended. He manages to get his pants on and pulls them up his long legs. He grabs his shirt and turns towards Louis, putting his arms in the sleeves. "Sorry, just tired and not expecting this. at all." 

Louis just shrugs and sits on the bed. "I wasn't either." 

Harry slips on his shoes, "I'll text you later. Or you text me." He wipes at his eyes, still processing. "Shit. Okay, I gotta go. Bye, Lou." 

"Bye, Haz."

…

  
  


Harry walks down the road and shivers from the sudden coldness. His thin sweatshirt lets in the air quite well, and considering he can see his breath when he exhales, it's pretty damn cold.

He sees Zayn pacing outside the gas station, mumbling to himself. 

Zayn must hear Harry approaching because he looks up and immediately makes eye contact with Harry. Harry stutters in his steps, taking in his freshly-beaten friend. His left eye is almost completely swollen shut while he's holding a cheap paper towel to his nose, along with a small cut on his cheek. Harry gets closer and sees dark spots on the sliver of chest that's able to be seen, and a cut bleeding from his lips. "Zayn?"

“Harry…” Is all he manages to say before reaching out for Harry. Harry quickly steadies him and puts his arm around his waist.

“Zayn… what happened?” He says, guiding him down onto the curb of the sidewalk. The weak street lights manage to illuminate the two boys just fine, enhancing the bruises on Zayn's chest. 

Zayn wipes a tear with his free hand, “I- got into a fight.”

Harry chuckles with no humor, “I know that."

He rubs circles onto Zayn’s back, “Do you wanna tell me what happened or do you wanna get cleaned up first? We can go back to my house and-”

“I’m fine.” Zayn moves away from Harry's grasp.

“Zayn, you aren’t fine. You practically collapsed into my arms.” 

Zayn stares at the ground. “I don't want to talk about it.”

Harry places a gentle hand on Zayn's shoulder, "Okay. We won't. Just, please, come to my house. I'll get you cleaned up and everything." He rubs his thumb about the seam of his shirt, "No reason for your mom to see you like this."

Zayn nods, “Yeah, okay.” 

Harry presses his lips together in a tight smile, "Okay, let's get you up then." He wraps a long limb around Zayn's waist, "Ready? Three... two... _one!_ " He strains and stands with Zayn. They stumble but Harry manages to latch his feet onto the ground. "You good?"

Zayn only grunts in his direction. "I'll take that as a yes." He does a breathy laugh. They begin walking toward Harry's house. 

The door to the gas station opens, “Wait! Sir! You forgot your wallet!” A voice yells out.

Harry looks back to see the young girl who is usually behind the counter holding a brown wallet. Zayn shakes his head, but he uncoils himself from Zayn anyway, “Stay here, okay?” 

He walks to the girl and grabs the wallet. He looks into the store and sees chip bags spewed across the floor and one of the shelves down. “I’m so sorry. Not sure. what got into him.” 

The girl crosses her arms and shrugs her shoulders, “It’s whatever. My shift ends in five anyway.” 

Harry smiles at her and nods. "Thank you, sorry again." He does a small wave and turns around. He walks back to Zayn, who is now leaning against a car to stand upright. He wraps his arm around his waist, “Okay, lets go.”

  
  


…

  
  


Zayn sits on the floor of Harry’s bathroom, Harry sitting between his sprawled legs, facing him. Harry concentrates on trying to get the now-dried blood off of Zayn's perfectly bruised skin. His eye is still swollen, and sensitive to touch, Harry found out rather quickly. 

Harry squirts some alcohol on a cotton ball and touches Zayn's cheek, causing Zayn to inhale sharply. "Shit, sorry." Harry cups Zayn's face with his other hand, eyebrows showing signs of concentration and focus. Zayn is looking away from the boy, thoughts unclear. Harry chucks the cotton ball in the trash.

Harry undoes some buttons on Zayn's shirt, revealing more bruises. "Ouch, they got you good." Harry whispers. "Not much I can do there. That's just gonna have to heal." He redoes the buttons.

“I’m sorry.” 

“For?”  
  
"Everything."

Harry turns and grabs a bandaid, which is minion themed. He shrugs as he opens it and places it on the cut. "Everything?" He questions. He backs away and takes the broken, beat boy in. Zayn brings his legs to his chest, cradling them. 

Zayn mutters something under his breath. "Sorry?" 

"I got into a fight with Niall." Zayn blurts, louder.

Harry places his hand on his knee, comforting. "Why?"

"He-" He licks his lips and shakes his head. "He called you the f-slur."

His stomach dropped. He knew Niall was homophobic, but he really called him a _fag_? 

"H-He called me.. a fag?" Harry whispers the word.

Zayn nods his head, still avoiding meeting Harry's eyes. "He was on the phone with someone and he said your name. So naturally I was interested." He snickers in annoyance. "Then he said that word. Made me so fucking angry, H." His bottom lip began to quiver.

Harry palmed his knee, "So you punched him?"

"No." He brought his lips together for a short time, "I told him to not say that word, especially when talking about you." He finally looked up and met Harry's watery eyes with his own. "Then he said it again. So I told him to shut the hell up." A tear streams down Zayn's cheek and Harry lifts his hand to wipe it away. "He pushed me right back into a shelf which collapsed, so I had to fight back." 

Tears are now properly streaming down his face. His breath is short when he inhales. "Hey, it's okay." Harry says, moving to sit next to Zayn against the door. He sidles his arm between Zayn's neck and the wood, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

"Before I knew what had happened, he pinned me against the floor and was just..." He sobs, "Beating me. Constantly. I was helpless. I don't even think I got in one punch." 

Harry laughs softly. "Thank you, Zayn." He brings his head onto his shoulder and gives his hair a kiss. "Thank you."

"I love you, mate. More than anything. You're my best friend in the whole world." Harry rubs his upper bicep. 

"Should probably go to sleep right?" Zayn's groans in agreement, already nodding off

"C'mon, you big lug." Harry smiles and lifts his friend. He drags him to the bedroom and sits him upright. "I'm gonna take your shirt off, it's a bit bloody." He undoes the buttons, Zayn starting to fall asleep. Harry manages to get both arms out of his sleeves before Zayn collapses sideways onto the bed, officially knocked out. Harry laughs and throws the shirt behind him.

He looks at his best friend, sleeping peacefully. His arm strewn over his bare stomach. His legs are dangling off the floor, so Harry moves him to a normal sleeping position. He runs his fingers through Zayn’s hair, “Goodnight, Zaynie.” He turns off the lamp beside the bed and exits the bedroom.

…

  
  


He feels like he’s being stared at as his dream comes to an end. He opens one eye and sees Gemma there. He closes it, “What?” His voice is low and raspy.

“Why are you on the couch?” She takes a sip of her coffee. 

“Zayn’s in my bed.” His legs are hanging over the arm of the couch. He arches his back and makes a small, innocent moan.   
  
“Why is Zayn in your bed?” 

“Why are you asking me so many questions?” Harry snaps back, still not opening his eyes.

Gemma scoffs, acting offended, “I’m just worried about my baby brother.” Harry rolls his internal eyes at the nickname. “And why he wasn't home all night.”  
  
Harry opens his eyes and turns his head toward Gemma, “What?”   
  
“I went to check on you cause I thought I heard a noise outside. I opened your door, and you weren’t there.” She moves his legs to the side so she can sit on the arm of the couch. “I assumed you went to Zayn’s. Clearly, you didn’t.”   
  
Harry sits up, giving Gemma more room and allowing himself to process what she’s saying. He rubs his eyes and yawns. He props his head on his hand. “I went to Louis’.” He says flat out.

Gemma nods slowly and takes another sip. “Maybe, next time don’t sneak out of the house?” 

“I didn’t think anyone would check.” He feels himself start to drift, but he snaps himself out of it.

“Not an apology.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”   
  
“Thank you.” She stands up, “So, is Louis actually better now?”   
  
Harry smiles just thinking about him. His laugh when Harry tells a bad joke, the way they were pressed so closely together last night, the way Louis is so vulnerable in Harry’s arms. “Yeah.” 

Gemma brings her lips together tightly and raises her eyebrows. “Okay.” She walks into the kitchen, leaving Harry alone in the living room. 

  
  


…

  
  


Harry walks into his bedroom and sees Zayn on his phone. “Hey.”  
  
Zayn looks up, eyes droopy. “Hey.” His voice isn’t nearly as low as Harry’s in the morning, but just as raspy.

His eye has gone down quite a bit, but it's still noticeable that he got punched. The cut on his lip has scabbed over, and a minions bandaids is stuck prominently to Zayn's cheek. The bruises on his chest are still evident on his tan skin.   
  
“How are you doing?” He sits on the edge of the bed. “Bruises aren’t as bad.” He tries to make him feel better. 

"Don't lie to me." Zayn smiles, “A little sore.” He sits up straighter, Harry dropping his hand to his side. “Thank you again, for taking care of me.”   
  
Harry shrugs, “Thank you for defending me.”   
  
Harry feels his phone buzz and realizes he hasn’t checked it since he left Louis’. He grabs it and sees an unread message from Liam, reading:   
  
**_never got a call, hope all is well lad x_ **

And 5 unread texts from Louis, and a few missed calls. He runs his hand through his hair as he clicks open the message thread.

**_is zayn okay?_ **

******_text me when you get home_ **

**_harry?_ **

**_haz?_ **

**_hello?_ **

Harry’s fingers hover over the keyboard, not sure what to type. “You okay?” Zayn says, noticing Harry is tenser than before.

Harry flinches when he speaks, “Oh, yeah. Just Louis.” Zany goes quiet.

**_sorry, was occupied._ **

**_zayns okay, hows niall?_ **

He types through shaky fingers. He goes out of Louis’ messages and texts Liam back.

**_i’m so sorry, crazy days here in Holmes Chapel._ **

**_i’ll call later, promise :)_ **

Right when he sends it, Louis texts him back.

**_he never came back after you left :/_ **

Harry stares at the message. Niall never went back to Louis’.

**_has he texted you at all?_ **

Louis responds instantly.

**_no_ **

Harry starts getting anxious. Something’s wrong. 

**_have you tried calling his parents? making sure he’s home?_ **

He can hear Louis sigh through the phone as he reads the message he sent back.

**_no, i’m not his fucking mother_ **

**_did zayn tell u why they fought?_ **

Harry drops his phone on his lap and rubs his face with both hands, not seeing the last message. “So that's where you were last night?” Zayn mumbles next to him. 

"Oh, yeah." He nods once. 

"Sorry if I interrupted anything." His voice is clearly sarcastic. 

Harry rolls his eyes. "Niall didn't get home last night."

"So?" Zayn shrugs one shoulder.

"He was supposed to go back to Louis'." He turns his body toward Zayn.

"Who cares about him? He called you a slur. He's on my fucking hit list now." He says, thumb still scrolling on his phone. 

"Just because he called me a slur doesn't mean we shouldn't be worried. He's still human, Z."  
  
"Humans don't call humans slurs. What the hell is wrong with you?" He flicks his head up and squints his eyes at Harry. 

Harry scrunches his face slightly, "He's Louis' best friend, Z. I'm.. whatever with Louis. I'm allowed to be worried about people." 

“Best friend of your boyfriend or not, he called you a fucking slur yesterday. He’s homophobic.” He looks away from Harry, “Just like your fucking boyfriend is.”  
  
Harry stands up, “Jesus Christ, Zayn!” Voice booming in the room. "He isn't my boyfriend. He CAN'T be my boyfriend." He points a finger at Zayn, "People can change."

“No, they can’t.” Zayn pronounces each word firm. 

“Louis is a prime example that people can change!” He paces the room. “You don’t know the full story. So fucking judgmental.” He whispers to himself.   
  
Zayn gets up and stands next to Harry, “I do know the full story. I was there! I had to comfort you every time he would call you names. You ran into my arms, not his.” Zayn rubs his forehead, “Why the fuck are you running into his arms now?” He mutters low.

Harry turns to him, “Are you fucking serious?” His voice raises. “You think I planned for this all to happen? You think I knew that Louis would be in the gas station when I went there? Or-Or-Or how about the time that he kissed me in the bathroom, and I kissed him back? Or when he texted me multiple times to come over?” Harry realizes how loud he’s gotten. He goes back and sits on the bed. Zayn stands, frozen, not even looking toward Harry. He takes a deep breathe before continuing. "I'm not the one whose hurt this time, okay? He is. He has problems. I'm not running into anyone else's arms. He's running into mine. It's not like I'm yours to own." He speaks low, annoyed and angry.  
  
Neither of them speak then, the tension in the room growing significantly with every passing minute. Zayn is still staring at the wall. Harry stares at Zayn’s back, waiting. 

“I should go.” Zayn’s voice is broken. He grabs his shirt from the floor. “Thanks for everything.” He slams the door. He doesn’t look back at Harry, just leaves.

Harry lets out a loud, low scream. “Fuck!” He slams his head into the pillow. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

  
  


…

  
  


Harry walks up the path to a small stone house. His hands are stuffed in his warm pockets, but he takes one out to ring the doorbell. A tiny woman opens the door, “Oh, Harry!  
  
Harry smiles at her, “Hi, Mrs. Horan. Is Niall home by any chance?”   
  
She shakes her head, “Last I saw him he was heading to the gas station.” Harry’s heart flutters, but not in a good way. “He probably met Louis there and slept over at his place.” Harry must’ve gone pale because Mrs. Horan says “Darling, are you alright?”   
  
Harry nods and blinks rapidly, plastering a smile to his face, “Yeah, yes. Thank you anyways. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.” He says as he turns and walks down the porch steps.

“You too, darling!” She calls out and closes the door.

 _Fuck._ He takes out his phone as he gets back onto the road and calls Louis.   
  
Louis answers after two rings, “ _Harry?_ ”

“He isn’t at his house.”   
  
“ _What?_ ”   
  
“Niall.” He sighs. “Niall isn’t at his house.”   
  
“ _You went to check on Niall?_ ” He sounds confused.

“Something just didn’t- _doesn't_ feel right. I gotta trust my gut, and it was right. Something’s wrong.” Harry’s bottom lips start to quiver.

Louis' voice is calm and low, he must’ve noticed Harry’s slight discomfort. “ _It’s okay. I’m sure he’s fine. Where are you right now?_ ”   
  
“Walking in the middle of the fucking road.” Harry laughs at his own stupidness. “Walking in the middle of the fucking road because I can’t find the guy who called me a f-” He cuts himself off as tears start streaming down his face.

He hears Louis doing something on the phone as he speaks, “ _Stay right where you are, but get on the side of the road, please. I’ll be there soon._ ” And he hangs up.

Harry takes his advice and sits on the curb, shuddering into his hands. The cold air hits his wet face hard. His life is all confused now. His best friend is mad at him, he’s making out with his high school bully, and he’s worried about his high school bully’s best friend who called him a slur.

Suddenly he feels hands on his shoulders and a presence sits next to him. Harry leans into the figure, sobbing harder.

“Hey, you’re okay.” Louis rubs his hand over Harry’s coated back, gently. Harry grabs onto his own shirt for support, but nuzzles his head into Louis’ lap. “You’re okay, love.”   
  
“I’m a mess.” Harry cries into Louis pants.   
  
He feels Louis chuckles lightly, “Like I haven’t done this to you multiple times.” Harry even laughs. He sits up, Louis’ hand never leaving his back. “Hey.” Louis smiles.

Harry shivers, tears going down his neck. “Hi.” His eyes never leave Louis’.

Louis moves his shaky hand and wipes Harry’s tears off his cheeks. Harry leans into his warmth. Louis traces Harry’s face from top to bottom. He leaves his hand on his cheek, thumb rubbing over his cheekbone. 

"Did Zayn tell you what happened?"

Harry nods and wipes his nose on his hand. "Yeah... he did." 

"What happened?" Louis guides Harry to sit up.

"Apparently," -sniffle- "Niall called me a fag." 

Louis' eyes turn cold. "He what?"

"That's what Zayn said. So Zayn told him to knock it off and Niall just like attacked him." Harry wipes his cheeks.

Louis pulls his fist into a tight hold, knuckles turning white. "Shit, fuck." He bangs his hands against his forehead.

"Lou, stop." He grabs onto his covered wrists. "You're gonna hurt yourself."

"That's the fucking point." He hisses. Harry's grip falters. Louis releases his fists, "I'm sorry."

Harry breaths in shakily. "Why?"

"Because I made Niall think it was okay for him to say that." He lifts his head and stares out into the road. "About you."

"He should've learned not to say it. Don't blame yourself." Harry wants to kiss him. His cheek, his lips, his hair. Just something. But he has to resist. "Please, don't blame yourself."

Louis sighs. "I just feel awful."

"I know." He rubs Louis back. "Let's just go find Niall, yeah?"

Louis sniffles and nods. "Yeah. Let's go."

  
  
  


…

  
  


They walk all around Holmes Chapel, calling Niall every 10 minutes. It’s nearly noon, with no clear sign of him. They stop in a park that is still decorated for Christmas, wreaths on the lamp posts and lights in the trees. They both sit on the bench, huddled together for warmth. 

“We’ve checked everywhere.” Harry says, “And it’s cold.” 

“You’re the one who wanted to look for him.” Louis snaps but then realizes, “Sorry. Just stressed and annoyed.” 

“I get it.” He leans his head against Louis. They may only be connected by a tiny amount, but it sends warmth throughout Harry's entire body. 

“So, we checked the gas station, the music store, the four different restaurants, the library even. He doesn’t go to that many places.” Louis says, running out of breath. Harry just sits there, thinking of more ways to get warm. This has to be the coldest day in history.   
  
“Wait, I just thought of a place.” Louis’ eyes widen as he stands, “You have a car, right?” 

Harry internally whimpers at the loss of warmth but he nods.   
  
“Okay, lets go.” Harry is confused but he follows him.

  
  


…

  
  


“Turn left up here.” Louis says from the passenger seat. Harry wouldn’t let him drive, he loves his car too much for that. So, after some bickering, Louis finally agreed to just pout while give him the directions from the passenger seat. 

Louis has led them about 30 minutes out of Holmes Chapel, into the plains of England. The plains then turned into woods, which is where they are now. They’re on the back road in the middle of nowhere, with no cell service, Harry figures. Louis could murder him right now, hide the body, and go free. Maybe that was his plan all along…

Harry turns left at the next gravel road and sees a dead end sign, “Lou, this is a dead end.” He slowly hits the brake, preparing to turn around.

“Just, keep going, H. Trust me."

Harry hides his smile at the nickname. He switches his foot and hits the gas pedal again. 

The road ends suddenly, but the trees open up into a small watering hole. Harry hits the brake and looks around. The trees are lucious and unlike the others around them. The water has now turned into ice, glistening under the sunlight.   
  
Harry’s eyes fall onto a small figure sitting on the edge of the pond. Louis spots him at the same time Harry does. "That son of a bitch." Harry goes to say something, but Louis is already out the door, walking toward Niall. 

Harry hesitates, not wanting Niall to see him. He looks around for Niall’s car, but doesn’t see one. He couldn’t have walked here, it's way too far. 

Harry steps out of the car and slams the door shut with more force than he wanted. He looks over to see Louis next to Niall, watching him intently.   
  
He walks slowly over to the two boys, and Niall’s head snaps up when he hears footsteps approach. He looks between Louis and Harry, “W-what is he doing here?” He quickly wipes his eyes.

Louis puts out his hands, wanting to avoid another fight, “He drove me here.”   
  
Niall is in disbelievement, “What? Louis, you know what he is.” 

Harry clenches his jaw, but has trust in Louis to say the right thing.

He does.

“I am well aware of _who_ he is.” Louis looks back at Harry for a quick second, lips curling up. “We’re friends.”  
  
Niall shakes his head, “He’s a fag.”   
  
Harry balls up his fist in his jacket, nails digging into his skin. He feels something in his pocket, a wallet. Niall's wallet. 

“You can’t say that Niall.” Louis’ voice is stern. 

“You told me for years that it was alright!” Niall stands up and looks down at Louis. Harry loosens his grip of the wallet. Louis tenses up slightly, looking up at Niall. “You told me that’s what he was and that’s what I should do to people like them! Now you’re best friends with him?” Niall begins to yell. “What, are you a fag too?”  
  
“You know what, Niall. Yeah. I am.” Louis stands up and holds out his arms. "I'm a fag. A homo. A gay. I fucking love dick."

Harry watches Louis with pride in his eyes. 

“I don’t fucking believe it.” He looks at Harry, “What did you do to my best friend?” He walks closer, but Louis stops him.

“I’ve always been gay, he didn't corrupt me or anything.” He grasps Niall’s arm, jaw clenching. “I had.. Uh… fuck,” He looks back at Harry, eyes softening, “What was it?”  
  
Harry blinks three times, trying to figure out if this is actually happening. “Internalized homophobia.” He remembers. Harry's hand goes back to the wallet, squeezing it.

“That. I was scared.” He sighs. “Don’t blame him. Please, don't blame him.” He practically begs.

Niall’s eyes haven’t left Harry. Once he feels Louis loosen his grip he lunges at Harry, tackling him to the ground. Harry has no time to react as his breath gets knocked out of him, uttering an _oof_. Niall straddles him, making breathing even more difficult. Niall’s knuckles meet Harry’s jaw immediately. His hand flies out of his pocket, flinging the wallet on the grass.

Louis tackles Niall from the side, pinning him to the ground. Louis is surprisingly strong. “Niall! What the fuck is wrong with you?”   
  
Harry lays still on the ground, groaning slightly. His head definitely hit a rock and his jaw is throbbing immensely. His breath has yet to come back to him, stomach heaving for air. He hears the two boys arguing next to him.

“Get off me, Louis! Let me hurt him!” Niall squirms under Louis, but Louis manages to hold him in place. Niall spots the brown leather, "He had my fucking wallet!"

“I’m not letting you hurt him.” Louis says, firm. He tightens his grip on Niall’s wrist. "I care about him, Ni."

"How? You spent your whole teenage years hating him." Niall continues to squirm.

"I liked him!" Louis practically yells. He looks over at Harry, lying still. "I like him."   
  
Niall looks at him, serious. “Are you fucking serious? Fuck you. Fuck him. You're a fag. He's a fag, and a fucking thief.” On every consonant, spit flies from his mouth landing on Louis' cheek.  
  
“Do you wanna walk home?” Louis spews. “Cause if you don't I suggest you shut the fuck up and stop calling him that.”   
  
Niall sighs and swallows, jaw tightening, silently agreeing to Louis' deal.   
  
“Now, here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna get off you, you are going to stand. I will escort you to the car where you will sit in the backseat.” He holds his hand out before Niall has time to argue, “I don’t care that you get carsick. You will sit in the backseat and stay silent until we drop you home. Understand?”

Niall nods his head, begrudgingly. “Whatever, fine.”  
  
Louis stands and looks over at Harry’s still body. “Shit.” He whispers. "I swear if you..." Louis walks out of earshot of Harry. He escorts Niall, who grabs his wallet on the way to the car and Louis rushes back over to Harry. “Hey, baby, you okay?” He places a hand on his torso.   
  
Harry flutters his eyes, “Lou?”   
  
Louis smiles, relieved. “I’m here, Haz.” He runs his thumb over the small cut on Harry’s cheek. “Let’s sit you up, okay?” Harry nods as Louis holds his waist, guiding him up. “There we go.” He whispers when Harry is sitting up straight. 

Harry’s head is throbbing, “My head hurts.” He places his head down on his palms and pushes. "Fuck, it hurts."

Louis feels the back of his head and his fingertips come back a bit bloody. “Fuck. We need to get you to a hospital.” He wraps his arms around Harry’s waist and lifts him, Harry relying on Louis.

Harry shakes his head, “I’m fine. Just a little cut.”   
  
“We don’t know if it’s just a little cut, H.” He starts dragging them both to the car, “And give me the keys. You can't driving.”   
  
Harry looks over at Louis, “Thank you.” He whispers against his cheek.   
  
Louis meets his gaze, “Of course.” His eyes are soft and light. Harry grazes his lips over Louis cheek and he sees Louis' flush slightly. 

Louis gets in the driver's seat, Harry barely registering how Louis got the car keys, or how he got in the passenger seat. Harry feels like his head is going to explode and send his brains throughout the car. He closes his eyes. 

“We have to take him to the hospital.” Louis says, beginning to reverse and go back to civilization.

“Hospital? What for? I didn’t hit him that hard, Lou.” Niall snaps from the back seat, but nervousness is rooting itself in his voice.

“He hit his head on a rock, you fucker.” Louis accelerates, the car bouncing from the bits of gravel underneath it. 

Harry hears the two boys bickering, but soon their voices become indistinct. His eyes shut, only feeling the sensation of the car slowly turning on the gravel, and someone's hand on his thigh. 

  
  


…

  
  


Harry regains consciousness and hears low voices speaking. His eyes flutter open too fast and his head throbs. He winces and suddenly feels a hand on his knee.

“Hey, baby…” Anne whispers. Harry turns towards her and squints, eyes hurting from the lights. “Hey. How are you?” She smiles pitifully. 

Harry takes in a slow breath. He feels some sort of material wrapped around his wrist, causing minimal discomfort. He hears some sort of beeping coming from a machine. “W-where am I?” He croaks, throat unbelievably dry.

Anne’s eyes get watery but she tightens her lips. “The hospital, baby.” He pulls up a chair and sits down, not removing her hand from his thigh. “Do you remember what happened?”

Harry closes his eyes. _Louis. Niall. Fighting._ He slowly nods. Anne squeezes his knee, “Good, baby. I’m glad.” She sniffles, “You hit your head pretty bad, but the doctors just think you have a minor concussion.” 

Harry nods slowly again and opens his eyes. He sees his mother, Gemma, and Michael. He grabs the handle on the hospital bed and begins to sit up, “W-where’s Lo-” He loses his grip and falls back on the pillow. 

“Honey, don’t move. Please.” Anne’s voice shakes. Harry surrenders. Anne wipes her thumb over his cheek, “Why not go back to sleep, yeah?" 

Harry nods in agreement, barely moving his head. He turns his head and is out again. 

  
  


…

  
  


About 30 minutes later, Harry wakes and hears hushed voices yet again. He recognizes all but one, must be the doctor. He opens his eyes fully, feeling a little more energetic than previous. He manages to fully sit up this time, and all eyes turn to him. 

Anne rushes to his side again, gripping his hand so hard Harry thinks she’s gonna break it. Harry pulls back, wincing, “Oh, I’m sorry, baby.” His mother whispers.

“W-water…” He groans. His throat feels like sandpaper every time he swallows. Anne grabs a water bottle and brings it to his lips, but he grabs it from her. “I can do it…” He takes a sip, feeling the cold water fall down his throat, pooling into his stomach.

He looks around to see the same people as before, and a doctor. “Mum, where’s Louis?” 

Anne pats his forearm, “He left once we got here.” She shrugs, “He explained the situation, and told me he would drop the car off at home. Responsible boy. Cares about you.” She whispers the last part with a little smile.

Harry smiles slightly. With every minute that passes, he begins to feel more awake. “Where’s my phone?” 

Anne stands and searches through a bag. She grips the phone, almost triumphantly, and hands it over to Harry. Before Harry can turn it on, the doctor interrupts. “It might not be good for him to look at screens, not yet. Maybe in a couple of hours, okay?” He meets Harry’s gaze with sad eyes.   
  
“I need to call Lou.” He looks at his mother, helpless.   
  
“I know, babe. You shouldn’t be in here for much longer.” A woman with a cart of hospital trays comes by, hands a tray with food-like substances to Harry, and walks out, on to the next room. Harry stares at his ‘lunch’. 

“I can’t eat this.” He says, deadpanned. Anne snorts at him and wipes at her eyes.

"You have to eat something." Gemma says, approaching the end of the bed. She grabs one of his toes through the blanket which makes Harry smile.

"Fine, fine." He lifts an apple to his mouth and takes a bit, some juice dribbling down his chin. 

"So" His mother says, holding out the vowel, "Do you wanna tell us what happened?"

"I thought you said Lou explained the situation." 

"Do you really feel the need to call him 'Lou'?" Gemma snaps. Anne turns and looks at her, swatting her arm. 

Harry ignores her and takes another bite, mother turning toward him again, "He just said that you hit your head on a rock and then he drove you here. That was it." 

He places the apple down and grabs the jello. He shakes it a bit and shrugs. "His best friend attacked me." 

"What? Niall?" Harry just nods his head, slurping up some green gelatin. "Why?"

"He's convinced I turned Louis gay." He says before realizing. "Shit. Don't tell his parents, please." He looks up at his mom, wide eyed.

She places a hand on his shin, "Don't worry. I won't." She removes her hand back to clutching her purse. "I didn't even know you two were... involved." Gemma snorts behind her and Harry glares at her.

"Not like... involved involved. We've just... kissed... a couple times." He says, speaking more into the jello than to his mom. 

Anne nods slowly, "Okay," is all she musters before standing. "I'm gonna go check with the doctor, see when we can get out of here." She leaves the room. Gemma remains.

"You really got into a fight with Niall?" 

Harry finishes the jello and places it back on the plastic tray. "He beat Zayn up last night." Gemma's eyes widen. "I was at Louis' and Niall showed up outside, told Louis that he got into a fight with Zayn." He places his head back on the pillow, staring up into the dim lights. "Hence why Zayn was at the house earlier. I had to clean him up. Then Louis said Niall didn't go back to his place, and I..." He pauses and licks his lips, diverting his attention back towards Gemma. "I had this feeling that something wasn't right."

Gemma takes the chair her mother as sitting in. "Why did Zayn and Niall fight?"

Harry clears his throat, regretting it immediately as his head releases a sharp pain. "Fuck." He whispers to himself. "He called me a fag." 

Gemma's mouth drops, "He called you that?" Harry nods, looking down at his hospital gown. "That fucker. I told you not to be around them. This never would've happened if you had just stayed away from Louis." 

"Don't fucking blame him. Louis had nothing to do with this." Harry grips the rough blanket with his left hand. 

"Don't enable him, Harry. He is as much to blame as Niall." She scoffs and shakes her head, "Fucker."

"Gem, please. I like him." 

"How the hell could you possibly like him? Do you remember what he did to you?" Her voice rises. Harry glances to the open door and sees the receptionist look up for a second.

"Gem, if you're going to yell close the door." 

"No, Harry. Answer my question."

"He apologized. For everything. He explained everything." His voice is quiet, wanting to avoid any more attention being drawn to them. 

"So now it's all fine?" She raises her arms in the air. "Not good enough."

"It's good enough for me." Harry's voice is stern and his jaw is unmoving. 

Gemma glares at him as Anne enters the room again.

"Sorry, baby. They wanna keep you for a night." She notices the nonexistent eye contact between the siblings. "Everything okay?"

Gemma stands and grabs her purse from the shelf. "Everything's fine. We should get going, mum. He'll be fine." She storms out of the room.

Anne rolls her eyes, "We'll be back tomorrow, okay?" Harry nods and gives his mother a kiss on the cheek. She gives him a little wave and exits the room. Leaving Harry to be drowned in his own thoughts. 

…

  
  


He walks to the car, Anne holding on tight to his waist, snuggled under his arm. She helps him into the passenger seat. "Mum, I'm fine." Harry laughs, watching his mother shove his long legs into the car. 

Anne sighs and allows him to shut the door. She enters the drivers seat and starts the car, engine coming to life. "Can I look at my phone yet?" Harry asks, taking his phone out of the cup holder. 

“The doctor said you get 30 minutes a day for the next three days, then just back to normal.” She makes a turn.

Harry grabs his phone out of the cupholder. He sees 3 messages from Louis.

**_i’m sorry i had to leave_ **

**_please call me when you get home_ **

**_im so so sorry_ **

Harry’s chest tightens slightly. His breath hitches. _Shit._ He texts back.

**_i’ll be home in 10 :)_ **

He turns off his phone, beginning to get a headache already, and looks out the window. City quickly turns into plains and then he begins to see his hometown.

  
  


…

  
  


When he gets home, the triplets all tackle him, causing his head to hurt. Anne wrangles all three of them off. “No! No tackling your brother.”   
  
Harry shrugs it off, “I’m going to my room.”   
  
Anne just nods, seeming like she wants to talk about something but lets it go. Harry does too.

He closes his door softly and flops carefully on the bed. His phone rings in his pocket and he smiles at the contact name.

“Hey, stranger.” Harry speaks softly into the phone.

“ _Harry, I’m so sorry. For everything._ ” Louis bursts out. 

Harry chuckles lightly, “It’s fine.”  
  
“ _It isn’t fine. You had to spend a night in the hospital. That doesn’t seem like fine._ ” Louis sounds exasperated and anxious. 

“Hey, babe. It’s fine. I’m home, aren’t I?” Harry waits for a response but is met with silence. “Lou?”

“ _You, called me babe._ ” Harry’s eyes widen when he realizes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”  
  
“ _No, it’s fine._ ” Harry can almost hear the smile in his voice. “ _It’s, uh, it's more than fine._ ”

Harry closes his eyes and begins focusing on Louis’ breathing through the phone. They aren’t even talking, but Harry loves his presence. “I miss you.” He whispers quietly.

“ _I miss you, too._ ” Louis whispers back.

"Wanna come over?" 

He's met with silence.

"Lou?"

" _I'm sorry, I can't._ " He clears his throat. " _Babysitting duty. Not a good day._ " Harry licks his lips.

"Tomorrow then?"

" _Tomorrow._ " He sounds unsure. " _I should go, Haz._ "

"Of course, back to those kids." He hears Louis chuckles, trying to hide a sniffle. "Bye, Lou."

" _Bye, Haz._ " 

…

  
  


That night, after Anne forced Harry to eat something for dinner, both of them settling with a bowl of cereal, Harry scrolls through his contacts and presses on Liam.

“ _Long time no talk._ ” Liam answers almost immediately, chuckling.

Harry runs his palm down his face. “I know. You won’t even believe what’s happened since Christmas.”

Liam laughs, “ _You mean, two days ago? Sure nothing major could happen in two days._ ”   
  
Harry laughs lightly, “Oh, wanna bet?"

" _$50 and the loser buys the winner lunch when we get_ _back to uni?"_

"Deal." Harry exhales a long breath. "I just got out of the hospital."

Liam's tone immediately gets serious, " _The hospital?_ "

"Do I win the bet?" He smiles to himself.

Liam's throaty laugh files through the phone, " _Tell me why you were in the hospital, and yeah you win._ "

"Louis' best. friend attacked me. I hit my head on a rock and no I have a concussion. I also like Louis now, and his best friend and my best friend got into a fight over me."

“ _Wow._ ” Is all Liam can muster. 

“Yeah.” Harry draws out. 

Liam laughs again. “ _They fought over you?_ ”

Harry purses his lips and lets out audible air, "Yeah. Niall called me a slur."

" _Niall being Louis' friend, yes?_ "

"Yeah. Zayn then had to protect me so he got into a fight with him."

" _Jesus, H. That's so wrong of him to do._ "

"Zayn or Niall?"

" _Niall. No, Zayn was in the right here. I would've snapped that bastards head off._ " Liam says, totally serious.

Harry giggles, "Li, be nice."

The phone vibrates against his ear, " _Don't enable him, he shouldn't have done it."_

"I know..." His laughter dies down. He flops down on his bed, gently, of course. 

“ _Keep me updated with your head, okay?_ ” 

“I will, don’t worry. Love you, Li.”  
  
“ _Love you, H._ ” The line goes dead. Harry drops his phone from his grip and just lays on his bed. His head begins to pulse, so he dry swallows a few aspirin. He lays his arm across his eyes in hopes that he’ll fall asleep early, knowing it won’t happen. There’s a soft knock on the door. “Come in.” 

He hears footsteps enter and the door click. He doesn’t remove his arm from his face. “Yes?” He speaks.

“Hi.” A soft voice whispers into the dark room. 

Harry immediately removes his arm and sits up. Louis is standing in his room, looking small and defeated. His hair is disheveled and his white t-shirt is wrinkled around his waist. “Lou?”  
  
"I… I’m sorry.” His voice breaks.

“Hey," He says reassuringly, "Don’t be. None of this is your fault.” Harry holds his arms open but Louis stays near the door.

“I’m the one that told Niall he could say all that stuff when we were in high school. It’s my fault. I told him it was okay because I thought it was okay.” He looks down at the ground. “I shouldn’t have done that.” He sniffles.

Harry looks at the boy’s silhouette. His small shoulders turned inward and he kept shuffling his feet anxiously. He sighs, “Lou… Please come here.” 

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” He lets out a small sob.

Harry stands and walks toward the boy. He places a hand on his shoulder, Louis flinching under the touch, and uses his index finger to lift the boy’s chin. He stares down in his eyes, now being illuminated by the small amount of moonlight let in. He traces his face with his eyes, searching for something. His eyes finally land on Louis' lips, “Lou. Why did you come here?”

Louis closes the distance. He gives him a small, light, warm kiss. “I had to say goodbye.”   
  
Harry pulls back, furrowing his eyes brows. "Goodbye?"  
  
Louis wraps his arms around Harry and grips the side of his t-shirt tight. He sobs into Harry’s chest, a feeling that is familiar with the both of them. Harry softly rubs his back. "What do you mean goodbye?" Harry whispers into his hair.

"I should go. Please, don't follow me." 

Before Harry can react, Louis is out of his arms and down the stairs. "Lou?" He steps out of his bedroom just in time for his front door to slam shut.

…

  
  


**_lou?_ **

**_call me please._ **

Louis hasn’t spoken to him since running out of his bedroom. Harry has called, texted, and cried. 

“He’ll call.” Gemma says, plopping down next to him on the couch. 

“You don’t care about him.” Harry mutters, his head resting on the arm of the couch. 

"I care about you." She looks him up and down, "You don't look well."

Harry scoffs, “Gee, thanks." 

"Why are you so worried about him? Maybe he's busy."

"You don't understand, Gem."

He can sense Gemma rolling her eyes without even looking at her. "Here's a bright idea, go see him." She slurps her coffee and switches through the TV channels. Harry's thoughts are going a million miles a minute, every good thought and every bad thought racing through his mind.

Finally, he gets up from the couch and slips on his sneakers. “What are you doing?"

"Taking my wonderful sister's, advice," He flashes a fake-toothy grin towards her, "Going to see Louis."

…

  
  


He shakes as the cold air stabs into his bare forearms. He realized he hadn't grabbed a coat as he exited his house, but he couldn't go back in. 

He opens a gate and walks up to light-stone house. He clambers up the stairs and a shaky hand rings the doorbell. He cups his hands and breaths into them for some warmth.

“Hello- Harry?” Louis’ mom questions.

Harry just nods his head. 

“Dear, it’s so cold out! Please, come in.” She ushers him inside and he immediately starts to unfreeze. Louis’ mom leaves the foyer and comes back with a blanket, having to go on her tiptoes to wrap it around Harry’s tall shoulders. 

“T-thank you.” He shakily says, blowing warm air into his hands. “Is Louis here?” 

She shakes her head, “I think he spent the night over at Niall’s. Haven't seen him since sometime yesterday, I think.” _Fuck._   
  
“He didn’t.” Harry suddenly says.

Jay looks at him, confused. “What, darling?” 

“Nothing.” He quickly says as he gives the blanket back to Jay. “Thank you, anyways.” He turns to leave.

“Wait, you can’t go out there like that. Stay here.” She runs upstairs and comes back with a bright red sweatshirt with MANCHESTER sprawled across the chest in gold. “Please, take this.”

Harry sighs. He pushes the sweatshirt onto his body, immediately smelling Louis on the soft fabric. It's a little tight, but he needs it. “Thank you.” He smiles at her.

Jay just smiles at him, “Tell Louis to call me if you see him!” 

Harry tightly nods and closes the door behind him. 

  
  


…

  
  


“What the hell are you doing here?” 

“Niall, I need to know where Louis is.” Harry crosses his arms and picks at the folded fabric on his elbows.

Niall shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t care.”   
  
“Help me find him.”   
  
“No.” Niall shakes his head.

Harry’s voice breaks, “Please, Niall.” He wipes at his eyes. “I’m worried.”

Niall seems to take in his attire. "Fuck." He whispers as he slinks back into his house. He comes back with a coat and Adidas sneakers on. Keys jingle in his hands and he locks his house. "Let's go." 

Harry follows him close. "Where are we going?" Niall gets into the car and slams the door. Harry goes around and opens the passenger seat as the car begins to vibrate. "Niall?"

"What?"

Harry lets his hands fall next to him as he settles in. "Where are we going?"

Niall begins to back the car up. 

“Manchester.”


	7. Chapter 7

An hour later, they arrive at Manchester University The campus is practically deserted, as everyone is home for the holidays. Niall parks the car near one of the dorm buildings. They both sit there quietly. They haven't said a word since they got in the car. Harry has been picking anxiously as the hem of Louis' red sweatshirt, causing a thread to appear. 

Niall clears his throat but still avoids any eye contact with Harry. “He should be in there. Suite 8, second floor.” 

Harry stares at the looming building. “Okay.” He reaches for the handle when Niall touches his arm. Harry flinches under his touch.

“I’m sorry. I have no excuses for what I did to you. I promise that isn't what I'm like.” His voice is shaky and… sincere. 

Harry stares at the blond boy but just nods at him. Niall removes his hand and leans back in his seat. Harry gets out of the car and begins walking toward a giant oak door. 

He climbs the metal stairs, each step making a loud noise which then echoes in the corridor. He gets to the second floor and sees a door staring at him in the face. The plaque next to it reads:  _ Suite 8 _ . He takes a sharp inhale of breath. 

He knocks his knuckles softly on the door. He hears movement inside, but he doesn’t hear the movement getting closer. He knocks again, harder.

He hears footsteps coming toward him. He stands straighter, trying to look presentable. 

“What’s-” Louis’ face falls and his eyebrows furrow. “Harry?” 

“Hi, Lou.” 

Louis blinks fast.

“What are you doing here?” 

Harry shrugs, “Wanted to see you.” His voice is small. Harry furrows his eyebrows slightly, “Why did you just leave?”   
  
Louis glances down. “Decided to come back early.” He gestures to his dorm.

“Lou, you really scared-.” Suddenly, he hears voices enter the dorm building and footsteps ascending the metal staircase. Louis grabs Harry’s shirt and pulls him into the room, closing the door before either of the figures come into view. 

Harry looks around the small dorm. Two beds on either side of the wall, desks at the foot of each bed. Louis’ side has football posters on the wall and a cork board filled with postcards. There’s a mini fridge in the corner, quietly humming. You would think he leaves here alone, but Harry spots a couple of pictures on the other side of the room of a small group of friends, smiling happily.

“You have a lovely room.” Harry says, avoiding eye contact with Louis.

“Yeah, thanks.” Louis moves and sits down on his bed. Louis' eyes finally find Harry's body and he tilts his head, "Is that my sweatshirt?"  


Harry looks down at his attire, "Oh, uh, yeah, it is." He clears his throat, "I stopped by your house to see if you were there but I had forgotten a coat, so your mom just gave me this. I-is that alright?" 

Louis breaths in shakily, "Yeah, 'course. You look good in it." He whispers and begins to chew the inside of his mouth.

Harry finally joins Louis on the bed, causing it to creak under the extra weight. "You really scared me, Lou." 

Louis picks at his nails continuing to chow down on the inside of his cheek. Harry hesitantly lifts his arm and places a finger under Louis' chin, lifting his head. "Babe?" 

Louis quickly wipes at his cheeks, "you should go, Harry."

"Why?" 

“Because I want you to.” Louis’ breath hitches, stifling a sob.

“No you don't, Louis." Harry begins to slowly stroke his thumb against Louis' jaw.    
  
Louis flinches away from Harry, "yes, I do." 

“Lou…” Harry feels heat in his eyes, and his vision gets glassy. Louis slowly becomes blurry as Harry's eyes fill with tears. 

“Please, Harry.” Louis sounds broken.    
  
Harry shakes his head vigorously. “No, Louis.” He can see Louis turn towards him, though not seeing any prominent features. 

Harry looks down and chews hard on his bottom lip. “I’m not going to leave you.” He exhales shakily. “I can’t just leave you.”    
  
“Well, we can’t do this!” Louis stands abruptly, causing Harry to flinch and wipe at his eyes. “We can’t date or do whatever the fuck this is Harry. My parents would fucking disown me if they knew everything we’ve done together.” Louis begins sobbing and falls to the floor. “I'll never be able to come out. I'll either have to suck it up and marry a nice girl or be alone forever.”   
  
Harry stays seated on the bed, watching Louis sob while wiping at his own tears. Louis continues, "you need someone who can be out, someone who won't be afraid to hold your hand, someone who won't be afraid to kiss you in the middle of their own fucking house." Louis droops his head down. 

"I can't do that, Harry. I can't." His voice is smaller now.   
  
Harry approaches Louis and wraps his arms around him from behind. Louis turns and begins to sob into Harry's chest. Harry squeezes him tightly, "it's okay, darling." Harry begins to feel a wet spot form near his nipple through his shirt, but he just gives Louis a small kiss in his hair. 

“Please don’t leave me. I don’t want you to go. I'm so so sorry,” he says between sobs.    
  
Harry wipes a tear from his own cheek without releasing Louis, "Don't be sorry, babe. Please please please, don't be." 

Louis presses into Harry more, wrapping his arms around his waist. "I feel awful," he speaks softly, "I'm an awful person."

"Please, don't think that Lou. You are amazing. Being gay doesn't make you awful," He moves his head so he can stare Louis in the face, "You deserve so fucking much, Lou." He brushes his lips against Louis', "You deserve all the freedom in the world."   
  
Louis stares at Harry, tears still streaming down his face. Louis brings his arms around Harry's neck and kisses Harry again. 

“Let’s go.” Louis whispers into Harry’s ear, voice still raw from crying.    
  
“Go?" 

“Back home.”   
  
“Are you sure? I'd rather you stay here, away from that family." Harry nuzzles his head into Louis neck, still embracing him. 

“I want to tell them.” He pulls away, wanting to look at Harry. He leaves his hands on Harry's strong shoulders, absentmindedly playing with the hem of his sweatshirt that. hugs Harry's body. 

“Louis, what will happen when they kick you out?"

“I'll come back here. They've prepaid for my college already. I'll be fine"

Harry lifts his head and kisses down Louis' jaw, "What about your mom?"

Louis' jaw tightens but quickly relaxes when Harry kisses his lips. "I guess I can't leave her."

Harry moves Louis' fringe out from his eyes, "I just want you to-"

A loud shrill rings in the room. Harry stops his sentence as Louis stands and walks over to his desk. He sniffles once before answering. the phone. 

“Lottie?” He pulls the phone away from his ear a touch, “Woah, Lottie, calm down. I’m in Manchester...” Harry watches him stop playing with the hem of his shirt, eyes growing wide. “What? That fucker.” He whispers, spitting. 

“Yes, Lots, I’ll be right home.” He hangs up the phone, wiping tears from his eyes as he struggles putting on his shoes, "fuck, fuck." 

Harry begins to stand, watching Louis move clumsily. "What's wrong?"

"My dad is home," he says as he manages to tie both shoes. He notices Harry's silence, "My actual dad. My 'dad'" he says in air quotes "is my stepdad, but it makes everything easier if I call him my dad." 

Louis grabs his jacket and slings an arm through one of the sleeves. 

"Is he worse than your stepdad?" 

Louis pulls his other arm through the sleeve and adjusts it, "yeah. Much worse." He reaches for his car keys but Harry manages to grab them first.

"Let me drive you."

Louis shakes his head, “No, I can drive.” He holds out his hand, “Give me the keys.”   
  
“No.” He walks past an unmoving Louis. “You aren’t in the right headspace to drive.” He rings the keys around one of his fingers, "plus, I have the keys." He smiles sarcastically at Louis.

Louis audibly sighs, “Fuck, Harry.” He turns around, “You don’t need to save me or whatever. I'll be perfectly fine."

Harry leans against the door frame, "I'm not taking the chance. Now, the more we argue, the later it gets." He begins walking down the stairs.

Louis swears under his breath but follows Harry anyway, slamming the door shut behind him.

They exit the building to see the sun beginning to set, the sky a violent orange. The building begins to cast shadows over the parking lot, and the sky reflects on all the cars. 

Louis sees Niall leaning against his own car, and Louis protectively stretches out an arm and turns his head, eyes never leaving Niall, "What is he doing here, H?"

Harry lowers Louis' arm for him and kisses right below his ear, causing Louis to shudder, "He drove me. Bit awkward but he apologized when we got here."  
  
Louis looks at Harry, his gaze softening. "He did?"  
  
Harry nods, “Yeah, he did. He sounded sincere too.”

Louis moves his gaze back to Niall, jaw tightening.   
  
Niall looks up and his face softens, "Hi, Lou." He nods at Harry, "Harry."   
  
"Don't say his name." Louis spits.

Harry glares at Louis and pokes him in the back, "Louis," he says sternly. 

“Louis, please, forgive me. Or give me time. I know what I did was inexcusable but I can't lose you. We've been best mates for years," His voice wavers but continues, "you mean so much to me. You just, unloaded so much information, I got scared."

"I didn't know what it all meant. I'm not expecting you to forgive me today, or tomorrow, or in a month, but just don't shut me out." He leans against the brick wall, rubbing his forehead, "please, Lou," his voice sounds exasperated. 

Louis watches him plead, "get home safe, Ni," is all he says before heading toward his car. 

Harry watches Louis leave, "I'm sorry, Niall," he stalks over to Niall, who's head is in his hands, and places a comforting hand on your shoulder, "I'll talk to him, yeah?"  


Niall looks up at him with bloodshot eyes, "thank you for being so nice to me," he sniffles, "even after everything I've done."

"Harry! Unlock the door!" He hears Louis call from somewhere in the parking lot. Harry rolls his eyes and presses the unlock button twice on Louis' keys, hearing a beep and then a car door slam. 

Harry turns his attention back toward Niall, "I believe you, Niall. I don't forgive you, but I believe that you'll try to make it up to us." He removes his hand, "I should go. Thank you for driving me." 

He leaves Niall crying against the wall as he searches for Louis' car. 

“I think Niall was being sincere.” 

Harry turns onto the highway. It’s been quiet since they got into the car, Louis sulking in the passenger seat. He has been going between biting on his lip while looking out the window or picking at his fingernails until they bleed. 

“He hurt you. He called you a slur. He called me a slur, for fucks sake.” He stares out the window, elbow resting below it. His head is smooshed into his hand, "I can't just forgive someone for doing that." 

“He seemed upset. At himself.” Harry keeps his eyes on the road, only taking small glances over into the passenger's seat. 

Louis keeps his eyes on the outside world. “People can’t change, H.”    
  
Harry scoffs and shakes his head. “Yes, they can.”

This causes Louis to face him, “No, they can’t.”   
  
“Lou, you are a prime example of how people can change.” He removes a hand from the steering wheel, mirroring Louis’ position from before. “You were a bitch in high school and now you’ve sucked my cock.” Louis snickers next to him. “See? People can change.” He rubs his thumb over his chin, “Niall can never take back what he did to me. Or to you. But we have to give him a chance, and time.”   
  
Louis’ chest rises. He exhales and leans his head back, showing more of his neck. Harry switches hands and rubs his finger along Louis’ neck. “Give him time,” Louis whispers to himself.   
  


Harry turns into Louis’ driveway behind a white Mini Cooper. He puts the car into park and takes the key out of the ignition, causing them to sink into darkness, as it's properly dark outside now. Harry turns to Louis who is barely illuminated by twitching streetlight across the street, “Do you want me to go in with you? Or at least stay close? I can stay here?”

Louis’ eyes trace the outline of his house as he shakes his head. “I think you should just go home.” 

“Are you sure, Lou?” He reaches out his hand and squeezes Louis’ thigh gently. Louis places his hand over Harry’s. 

“No, I’m not sure.” He wipes at a tear with his other hand. “Fuck, Harry. I thought he would never come back.” 

Harry places his thumb over Louis’ hand, rubbing lightly. “I can come with you, Lou. I make you feel comfortable, yeah?” Louis nods, moving his eyes to the floor of the car. 

“No, Harry.” He quickly squeezes Harry’s hand as he finishes processing the question. “Wait, no, you do make me feel comfortable," He stutters and blinks rapidly, breath shaky. “I just, think I need to do this on my own.” He finally says, licking his lips nervously. 

Harry nods, “I understand.” He gives the car keys to Louis’ open palm. “Can I kiss you, really quickly?” 

Louis laughs and nods. Harry brings his hand up to Louis’ wet cheek and closes the distance. They meld together, warmth running through Harry’s entire body. Louis grips onto the bottom of Harry’s shirt like if he lets go he'll crumble.    
  
Harry pulls away first, “Call me if you need anything.” He traces his thumb down Louis’ jaw, Louis pressing into the touch. “Or text me, just let me know you’re okay.”   
  
“I will, Haz.” He pecks his lips again. Harry smiles as Louis breaks away. 

Louis and Harry both exit the car at the same time, but go opposite ways. Louis walks toward the illuminating house, slowly. Harry begins walking down the road, but stops halfway between their homes, watching Louis hesitantly open the door. He hears the faint sound of yelling before the door closes.

“Be safe, Lou.” He whispers to himself as he continues toward his own home. 

  
  


…

  
  


**_3:47am_ **

Harry tosses and turns in his bed. His arm reaches out to check his phone, only to be met with  _ no messages _ on the screen. He groans, head beginning to hurt.

“Fucking concussion.” He says, standing from his bed and heading downstairs, making sure to slide his phone into his pocket. 

He turns on the lights above the kitchen island. His stomach growls at him and he realizes he hasn’t eaten much in the past day. He opens a cabinet and reaches to grab a white bowl, placing it gently on the counter. 

He grabs a box of Cookie Crisps and pours the bowl full, each one making a tiny  _ clink _ noise when it hits the bowl. He shuffles over to the fridge and opens it, the fridge light making him squint as he reaches in blindly for the milk.

He turns around and sees his mothers figure standing in the door, “Hey, hon. What you doing up?” She yawns and Harry realizes she’s cradling a sleeping child in her arms. 

Harry shuts the fridge and pours milk in the bowl. “Couldn’t sleep.” His voice is deep and raspy. “Sorry if I woke you.”   
  
Anne walks into the light, “Lindsay had a small nightmare.” She yawns as she takes a seat on a chair. Harry takes a mouthful of cereal, staring at the ground. “You okay?”   
  
Harry chews slowly as he thinks of a response. He ends up shrugging, directly his attention back to his cereal.

“Haven’t seen you since this morning, I think it was.” She says almost as a scold, but also genuine curiosity.    
  
“Yeah, sorry.” He swallows the last of his big mouthful, “I went to go see Louis.”    
  
Anne nods, eyes drooping. “A text would've been sufficient, just so I had known where you were."

Harry just nods his head, too tired to respond as he shoves more cereal in his mouth.

"We saw a new car in his driveway. A white Mini Cooper I think it was?” She yawns, covering her mouth, “nice car, whatever it was.”   
  
“It’s his dads.” 

“His dads? Like his actual dad?" She furrows her brows as she rubs her hand soothingly down Lindsay's back.    
  
Harry nods, “Louis went back to Manchester today, and I got worried about him so I had Niall drive me there," he takes a small spoonful of cereal. “He got a call from his sister that his dad showed up, so I drove him back and now here we are.” He places his bowl down and puts the milk back.

“I've heard stories about his father, not good ones either.” Harry scoffs and Anne sighs, "I'm sorry, that probably doesn't help."

Harry takes a bit and answers her with a mouth full, "Nope." 

Anne stands up carefully, placing a protective hand on Lindsay’s head. “I’m sure he’s fine, babe. Is that why you can't sleep?"

Harry stares into his almost empty bowl, "Yeah. Hasn't texted me." 

Anne begins to leave, "Try and get some sleep, okay baby?" She blows him a kiss and exits the room, still cradling Lindsay.

Harry rolls his eyes subtly, "Easy for you to say..." he says, placing his bowl in the sink and heading back upstairs. 

  
  


…

  
  
  


**_6:29am_ **

Harry’s eyes flutter open to the audible sound of a phone vibration. Harry wipes at his eyes and grabs the phone, wincing at the time, but hitting the green button anyway.

“Lou?”   
  
“ _ Hi, Haz. _ ”   
  
Harry runs his hand through his hair as he starts to wake up, “Fuck, I was so worried about you," he clears his throat as it was raspy, "Are you okay?”   
  
“ _ Sorry I didn’t text earlier. _ ” He sounds shaky.

“Are you okay?” Harry repeats, biting the inside of his cheek.

Louis is silent beside the occasional sniffle. “ _ No. _ ” He finally says, quiet and reserved.

Harry immediately stands and puts a shirt over his head, “I’ll be there in 10.”   
  
“ _ No, Haz. _ ” Harry stops, hand on his bedroom doorknob. “ _ I’m outside yours already. _ ”   
  
Harry hangs up and races downstairs. He opens the front door to be greeted with cold air whisking its way into the house. He runs to the back door and sees Louis' silhouette sitting on his lawn, head in his hands. 

The sun is barely beginning to rise, causing it to look hazy. The sky is the lightest shade of purple with the occasional grey cloud.

Harry breaths a sigh of relief as he walks over to Louis, “Hey, you okay?”

Louis keeps his face in his hands, “he left.” 

“That’s good, right?” Harry says, taking a seat right next to Louis on the cold and dewey grass. He can already feel wetness seeping through his joggers.

“He left after calling everyone in my family names, and calling me a..." he trails off, letting a small sob out into his hands.  Harry wraps his arms around Louis as he continues, "called me a _fag_." His voice breaks at the last word.

Harry's heart shatters, cause _fuck_. He rubs Louis' shoulder, "Oh Lou..."   
  
"They kicked me out." 

Somehow, Harry's heart shatters _again_. 

“It’s whatever. I was going to go back to Manchester anyway,” he wipes at his eyes and blows air through his mouth, tension dropping in his shoulders.

Harry gives him a small peck on the cheek and feels Louis begin to smile. He rests his chin on Louis' shoulder, watching his side profile intensely. "Do you wanna stay with me?"   
  
Louis glances at Harry, "I don't wanna be a bother, H. I'm really okay to go back. I'm only an hour away, we can still hang out." He grabs Harry's hand and squeezes it.

Harry leans his head on Louis' shoulder now, watching their hands. His head is hurting and before he knows it he says: 

“Be my boyfriend.” 

Louis snaps his head to look at Harry, “What?”   


Harry moves himself away from Lous, “Shit, I’m sorry, that was out of line. I just realized that I really like you and I really care-”   
  
He stopped short with lips against his. Louis places light fingers on Harry’s jaw, heat gathering in Harry’s cheeks from the warmth of his fingers against the cold, frigid air. Harry smiles during the kiss and feels Louis smile back.

"Is that a yes?" Harry chuckles as they break for a second. 

"Twat," Louis says with a grin as he gives him another kiss.

Harry knocks lightly on his mothers door, “Mum? You awake?”

“Yeah, come in," he hears a strained voice say from inside.

Harry enters and sees his mom sitting up, scrolling on her phone. She looks up and her face softens, "what's up, babes?" 

“Could, uh,” He clears his throat, “Could Louis stay here until he goes back to college?” 

Anne's eyes widen in shock, "Oh, well, of course," she tilts her head in confusion, "is everything okay?"  
  
Harry sits down at the foot of the bed, "His dad called him a not nice word and insulted his family, so they kicked him out."

"They kicked his dad out?"

Harry shakes his head, "Louis. They found out he's gay."

Anne sighs, "Oh, that not nice word," she half smiles as she raises her eyebrows apologetically, "Of course he can stay here," She begins to get out of the bed, "will he sleep on the couch?"    
  
"I think he'll wanna stay in my room, with me, if that's okay." Anne slips on her slippers and Harry stands. 

Anne doesn't even react, even though Harry just essentially came out to her, "Why wouldn't it be okay?" She looks up at Harry and places her palm against his cheek, "You're almost 19. You're an adult."

Harry's eyes begin to water as Anne continues, "Who you love is none of my business, unless they hurt you. Then it is my damn business." Harry's laugh takes place of the sob that was about to burst. "I love you, always."

"Thank you, mum," Harry whispers as she embraces him. 

Anne steps away from Harry and toward the door, "So, I guess you don't need blankets or anything?"

Harry wipes at his wet eyes, "uh, no. We should be good."

Anne nods and yawns, "Okay, darling." Anne starts to walk away but keeps watching Harry, "What are you doing? Go get your boy."

Harry smiles as he leaves the room, heading toward the back door to Louis. 

Louis practically burst into tears when Harry told him that he could stay. He gave Harry a bunch of small, little kisses all over his face. He pinches at Harry's side playfully, causing Harry to erupt into bubbles of laughter.

That was two hours ago.

Now they just lay on Harry's queen sized bed, enveloped in each other's arms. Harry is laying between Louis’ legs, Louis’ arms wrapped around Harry’s torso.    
  
Louis had fallen asleep pretty quickly into their cuddle session, as he hadn’t slept all night. Harry just comforted him, making sure he felt safe.

The sun is properly in the sky now, but clouds threaten its brightness.  He's watching out his window and sees Zayn walking past. His gut churns.

He wiggles his arm to reach out and grab his phone without disturbing Louis. The time is 11:20am. His cheek presses up against Louis' elbow as he scrolls with one thumb to Zayn’s messages.

**_im sorry._ **

He waits, he sees Zayn stop short, look at his phone, before placing it back in his pocket. Harry looks back and doesn’t see a message. “Fuck.” He exhales.

Louis stirs above him, “Something wrong?” He still has his eyes closed and his voice is groggy.

“Oh, nothing.” He stretches his neck and gives Louis a small kiss on his jaw, “Go back to sleep.” Louis just nods as his breath evens out again. 

Harry must’ve fallen asleep not so long after because he hears small raps at his door. 

“Come in.” He says, making Louis wake up also. Harry gently rubs his arm as Gemma walks into the room.

“We’re going out-” Her eyes widen as they plant on the two boys. “Oh.” Her mouth rounds.

“Did mum not tell you?” He begins to sit up and separates from Louis, stretching his arms over his head.

Gemma shakes her head, “Tell me what?”   
  
“Louis is going to be staying with us until we go back to college.”    
  
Louis smiles with no teeth and squinty eyes at Gemma, “Hi.”

Gemma just waves at him but her face is still directed toward Harry, “Well, we were going to go out and I was hoping you’d come. We made reservations at your favorite restaurant in the city.” She smiles. Harry glances at a half asleep Louis. “He can come, of course.” She says without him asking.

"Wait, what time is it?"   


Gemma looks at her watch, "Like 6:15. You slept the whole day."

Harry nods at her, “Okay, we’ll be ready soon.” 

She closes the door and leaves. 

Harry pokes lightly at Louis’ side, “Hey, Lou. We’re gonna go into the city for dinner.” 

Louis opens his eyes halfway, “Hm?” He turns his head toward Harry and breaks into a smile. “Dinner?”   
  
Harry laughs at the boy, “Yes, dinner.” He gets up and starts rummaging in his closet. 

“Wait, H, I don’t have any clothes.” Louis says during a stretch. 

“You can borrow some of mine.” 

“They’ll be huge on me," he says dryly. 

“We aren’t going to an overly fancy place. I’m just gonna wear black jeans and a white button down shirt.” He takes out a shirt, decorated with small pink flowers. 

“They’ll still be big.” He gets up and wraps an arm around Harry’s waist.    
  
“You can cuff the jeans until they fit, along with the shirt. It’ll be fine, babe.” Harry looks to the side to see Louis looking up at him, fonding. “What?” His lips start to curve upwards.

“I’m just thankful for you.” He gives Harry a small kiss as Harry takes out a pair of black jeans and a black button down.    
  
“Good. Now,” he shoves the clothes into Louis’ hand, “Get dressed, loubear.” 

“Loubear?” He laughs in disbelief, “Haz, c’mon.”    
  
Harry laughs as he grabs his own clothes and makes his way toward the bathroom, “Too late, loubear. It’s happening.”

  
  


…

  
  


Harry parks behind his mother's car as they arrive at the restaurant. The building is crowded with people in fancy dresses and expensive looking suits. Golden lights spill out from the huge glass doors, which shows the big chandeliers from inside.

“Not that fancy, eh?” 

Harry smiles mischievously at him. “You look great, babe.” He says as he gets out of the car. He hands the keys over to the valet before grasping Louis’ hand. “Is this okay?” He whispers in his ear.

Louis freezes for a second before relaxing, “Yeah. My parents like fancier places, if that's even possible.” Harry smiles as they begin walking toward his family. 

They’re seated quickly but the host gives them a dirty look for arriving with an unplanned guest. Harry rolls his eyes, keeping his hand secure with Louis, who looks scared. 

They sit at a big round table, clothed in a lace tablecloth and set with 8 gold-trimmed white plates. The silverware is wrapped in a cloth napkin and the glasses are so shiny that Louis can see his reflection in them.

Once they’re all seated, Louis leans over and whispers, “Not that fancy?” Again in Harry’s ear. Harry chokes on a laugh, covering his mouth with his hand.

“It’s fancier than I remember, okay?” He unwraps the silverware and spreads the napkin over his lap. Louis shakes his head but a small smile forms. 

The restaurant is filled with rich men in black suits with a good-looking lady on their arm. Mostly everyone has some sort of glass of champagne or other alcoholic beverage, and every now and then a table erupts into laughter. 

“What are you gonna get?” Harry says to Louis over the chatter, his eyes never leaving the menu.

Louis stares unblinkingly at the menu, “I… I have no idea.” He scratches his head, “Everything is so expensive and I feel like half of this menu is in French.”   
  
Harry laughs and places a hand on his, “Just, get whatever you please.”    
  
“What are you getting?”    
  
Harry plants a long finger on the menu, “I always get the  sole meunière.” He puts on a funny French accent, which causes Louis to laugh. “It’s really, really good here.” 

Louis looks over the menu again, finally deciding, “I’ll get the ratatouille.”    
  
“Oh I wonder if Remy’s back there. Would love to say hello.” Harry says, placing his menu on the table and leaning back in his chair.

“You know the chef?”    
  
Harry stares at him in wonderment, “Louis, please tell me you’ve seen Ratatouille.”   
  
Louis’ cheeks get red, “I’m scared to answer.”   
  
Harry bubbles a laugh, “Louis! How have you never seen Ratatouille? It’s a Disney classic!”

Louis laughs at the boy, “My parents didn’t allow me to watch Disney movies!” He puffs out his chest, “Just war movies,” he rolls his eyes, causing Harry to laugh louder.

“Okay, it’s settled.” His laughter dies down, “We are watching it, tonight.” Harry smiles at the boy with sparkles in his eyes. He leans in and gives him a small kiss on the cheek, taking his hand under the table. 

Louis leans into the kiss and squeezes his hand under the table. “Thank you.” He whispered.

“Anytime,” he answers, giving him another quick kiss before entering the tables conversation, keeping their hands intact, out of sight.

  
  


…

  
  
  


“That was so much food. They totally upped the portions since we were here last.” Harry stretches his torso as he holds the door open for the group. 

“It didn’t help that you had three bread rolls, a main dish, and shared a big ass slice of cake with Louis.” Anne says, holding two little hands in her own. 

“I SHARED the cake, it shouldn’t have made me this full!” He laughs as they all start toward their cars, Louis’ hand in his. “You might have to drive Lou, ‘m sleepy.” He kisses his shoulder.

“I don't think you're sleepy, H.” He grabs the keys from the valet as Harry giggles. 

“We’ll see you two at home!” Anne waves as she lifts a toddler into the car.    
  
“See you there,” Harry smiles, climbing into the passenger seat. 

Louis starts the car and wraps his seat belt around him. Harry places his elbow on the center console and cups his own face in his hand. Louis glances at him as he pulls the car out, a small smile quirking at his lips, “What?”   
  
“You’re pretty.” Harry says, reaching with his other hand to move Louis’ long hair out of his eyes. “So, so pretty.”

Louis smiles as he turns out of the front of the restaurant onto the main road, “And you, good sir, are drunk.” Harry giggles next to him.

“Just a little tipsy.” He pinches his fingers together. “Doesn’t make it any less true, though.”   
  
Louis smiles and rolls his eyes, “You’re pretty too.” He grabs Harry’s hand. 

“I can die peacefully now.” He says, leaning back against the seat, staring out into the bright city life. 

Some time goes by where neither of them speak, they just look around at the blinding lights. Louis has been rubbing his thumb across Harry’s, absently. Harry rests his forehead against the window.

“You okay?”   
  
“I’m happy.” He smiles at Louis’ reflection in the mirror. “I’m genuinely happy. Because of you.” 

“I’m happy too.” 

They trudge upstairs and into Harry’s room, shutting the door with a soft click. Louis collapses on Harry’s bed as Harry begins unbuttoning his shirt. 

“'M tired.” Louis says, face down in the blanket.

Harry smiles at him, “Aren't I supposed to be the drunk and tired one?" Louis chuckles from below him. "Get changed, I’ll give you a sweatshirt and sweatpants for you to borrow.” Harry untucks his shirt and throws it in a pile of clothes in the corner of his room. 

Louis flips on his back. “I should go and get my stuff.”    
  
“What?” Harry asks, grabbing two sweatshirts. 

“From my house. All my clothes, everything. I need to just get it over with.”    
  
Harry lays beside him. “Let’s go when no ones home, or at least your parents. You still have contact with Lottie, yeah?” Louis nods his head and turns it toward Harry. “Tell her to have the whole family go out tomorrow. Then we can sneak in and gather everything.” 

Louis' mouth widens in a big grin and he nuzzles into Harry’s bare neck. “Okay, we can do that.”    
  
Harry’s hand traces Louis’ arm. “Lou?”   
  
“Hm?”    
  
“Don’t fall asleep just yet. Gotta get changed.” Harry begins to get up when Louis grabs his arm.

“Warm,” is all Louis says as he presses himself against Harry’s skin. 

Harry laughs and rubs his back, “I promise, we can be warm all night, after you change.” Louis groans in response causing vibrations to spread throughout Harry’s body. “Guess I’ll have to change you then.”   
  
Louis sits up then, “I’m not a baby.” He scrunches his face and sticks his tongue out at Harry who is giggling on the bed.

“That’s what I thought.” 

  
  


…

  
  
  


Harry shudders awake, forehead licked with sweat, Louis sleepy soundly behind him. He calms his breathing down and snuggles closer into Louis. 

Still asleep, Louis pulls Harry impossibly closer to him shoving his face closer into the bottom of his neck. Harry intertwined his fingers with Louis, smiling softly to himself.

Harry sees a figure walking toward the gas station.

Zayn. 

He quickly untangles himself from Louis, replacing his spot with a pillow. Louis stays sound asleep, now nuzzled against the soft pillow. 

Harry stares at Louis and how the moonlight hits him, highlighting his sharp cheekbones and enhancing his pink lips. He gives him a quick and gentle kiss on the head before slipping out of the bedroom. 

He walks down the road, shivering to stay warm, and jogs the rest of the way to the gas station. He enters to see Zayn in a quiet conversation with another boy about his height, smiling softly. 

“Li?” 

The two boys turn to look at him, both of their mouths agape and eyes widening. 

Zayn removes his hand that was resting on Liam's shoulder.  
  
“Haz… I-”    
  
Harry put up a hand, “What are you doing here?” He says, tone harsher then he meant.

Liam looked at Zayn for help, but he was facing the floor, blush starting to dot his cheeks.

“I’m here to surprise you.” Liam smiles, “Surprise!” He says more as a question than a statement. 

Harry looks between the two boys again, ignoring Liam. “I just don’t understand… what’s happening here.” 

Zayn clears his throat and looks up, meeting Harry’s confused gaze. His caramel eyes glazed over. “I think I’m bi.”

Harry furrows his brows, "What?"    
  
Zayn chews slightly at his bottom lip, averting his gaze from Harry. “I noticed Liam popping up on your instagram a lot and I thought he was cute…” He turns back to Liam, eyes flickering over his face. “But something different than whatever I’ve experienced before with guys.” 

“So you like Liam?” Zayn hesitantly nods. 

“And you like Zayn?” Liam nods, more sure than the other boy. 

Harry licks at his bottom lip, breathing in shakily, "What the fuck?!" 

“This is all new for me, too. Please, Harry, don’t be mad.”    
  
Harry chuckles with no humor. “I’m not mad that you two aren’t straight, good for you." Harry plants his hands on his hips, "I just don't understand why you wouldn't tell me why you two are snogging behind my back?"

“We just wanted to test the water first, we didn’t want to tell you and then break up a week later or something.” Liam calmly explained.

“Break up?” He shouts. “So you two are properly together?” 

Zayn puts up his hand, “Harry, calm down.” 

“Holy shit, I can’t believe this.” He rubs his face before making hard eye contact with Zayn. 

“Zayn, I just wanted to talk to you and say I’m sorry. Okay? That’s it. But clearly, you two are busy.” He turns around, “See you back at Uni, Li.” 

He stomps out of the building but hears the door jingle behind him, “Harry! Wait, please.” 

Harry stops suddenly, causing the other boy to ram into him. 

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Liam breaths and catches himself. “Harry, please, don’t be mad.”

Harry shoves his hands in his pockets, “I'm not mad.”   


“You just screamed at us, in a gas station.” 

He rolls his eyes. “Li, look, I just came to apologize to Zayn, okay? I have to get home.”    
  
“Let’s meet for lunch tomorrow. Please.” Liam's brown eyes are sorrowful. Harry breathes in shakily, trying to avoid meeting the other's eyes.    
  
“I’m busy tomorrow.” He starts walking away. 

“Haz, please. I love you, I’m not going to lose you over this.” Liam grasps at Harry's sleeves.

Harry inhales sharply, "I just, need time to process this, okay?"

Liam retracts his hand, "Okay, but, please, lunch?"   


Harry shrugs, "I'll think about it."

He gets back in his room and sees Louis sitting up, groggy, “Hey, sorry, did I wake you?” 

Louis shakes his head and yawns. “Woke up a couple minutes ago, didn’t feel you next to me.” Harry sits on the bed and takes off his shoes. “You okay?”   
  
“Apparently Liam and Zayn are secretly dating.” He says as he begins to lay next to Louis. Louis wraps his arms around his shoulders, snuggling him in. Harry rubs his hand on Louis' forearm. 

“Liam's your best friend from uni, right?” His voice is deep and has a tinge of raspiness.    
  
Harry nods, “Yeah. Just saw them at the gas station.”   
  
Louis laughs, “Something always happens at that gas station.”   
  
Harry half-laughs with him, “Yeah…” 

"For how long?"   


"Not even sure." Harry calculates in his head to when he first started posting with Liam, "Earliest would have to be a year ago."

"Wow."

"Yeah," Harry draws out.

They lay there, embraced within in each other, for what seems like hours. Appreciating each others warmth and comfort.

“Have you told them about us?” He asks, low and quiet, almost afraid of the answer. 

“I haven’t talked to Zayn since two days ago. We got into a fight. Don’t wanna talk about it.” He sniffles before continuing. “Haven’t talked to Liam much either, just a few insignificant texts.”    
  
Louis starts rubbing his thumb along Harry’s sweatshirt. “I’m sorry, H.”    
  
Harry shrugs, “It’s whatever. Liam wants to do lunch tomorrow but I’m not sure if I should go.” 

Louis looks down at him, thumbing at Harry's jaw to turn his head. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“He lied to me.” Harry gazes up into the ocean blue eyes.

“Did he give you a reason?” 

“He said they weren’t sure if it was gonna go anywhere, so they thought it would be better to not tell me until they were sure it was a serious thing.”    
  
“Haz, that seems like a valid reason. They didn’t want you to have to, like, choose between them.” Louis pecks his forehead gently. 

Harry smiles at the small contact, "Just surprised by it, I guess."

Louis flips over his phone, “It’s 2:30 in the morning, let's go back to bed and see how you feel in the morning, okay?” 

Harry nods and places his head above Louis’ heart. He places a long arm over Louis’ torso, lifting with every breath he takes. 

“Night, Lou.” He mutters, before falling into a fast sleep.

  
  


…

  
  


“Okay, Lottie said they’ll be out between 2-5 today, so we should be good to go then.” Louis says from the bathroom, though it's a bit gargled. 

Harry lays in bed, scrolling through instagram on his phone. He sees Liam posted a new picture, his bright smile aimed at the person behind the camera. In the background he sees a familiar street, mores specifically a familiar house.

He scrolls past it.

“You should go get lunch with Liam.” Louis spits into the sink and appears at the doorway. 

Harry snaps out of his thoughts and looks over to the boy, "Hm? Oh, uh, yeah. I guess so."    
  
“You’re going.” He trots over to Harry and bounces once on the bed, “Okay?”   
  
Harry greets him with a sweet smile, “Fine.” He purses his lips and it meets Louis’. “I like doing that.”

Louis ruffles his hair, “Me too. Now, text Liam.” 

…

  
  


Harry walks into the local diner, immediately seeing Liam at a table in the back. He walks through the uncrowded restaurant and sits down.

“Hi.”   
  
Liam looks up, “Oh, geez. You’re quiet.” His leg is rhythmically bouncing under the table, clear signs of nerves. “Hi.”

A waiter comes over and gives them two glasses of water and they order. 

“I’m sorry. I overreacted a little yesterday.” Harry puts his elbows on the table, leaning against them. He nudges his toes against Liam's shin, calming him down.

“No, it wasn’t an overreaction." He sips his water and places it back down, clearing his throat. "We were actually planning on telling you while I was here.” Liam mirrors his posture. 

“So, you actually did come to surprise me?”

Liam bobs his head back and forth, “Yes? I came to surprise you but also see Zayn. Hit two birds with one stone type thing.” 

“Ah,” Harry takes a glug of water. “How long have you guys been like together?”    
  
Liam looks up at him, guilty, “Don’t get mad.”   
  
Harry meets his gaze with amusement, “I could never be mad at you, Li.” 

“Around 5 months.” 

Harry whistles in disbelievement, “Wow.”   
  
“I know, it’s a long time. He dmed me after you posted something from our road trip on instagram and we just kinda kept talking from there.” Liam takes a big swig of water. “We figured we were semi-serious and we were okay with telling you, even if we break up.” 

Harry is silent, processing all of this carefully, trying to figure out the best way to react.  
  
Liam continues, “If we do break up, though, I don’t want you to have to choose one of us. We’ll be able to coexist.”   
  
“Do you plan on breaking up?”    
  
“No, no I don’t think so.” A smile grows on his stubbled face. "I really like him, Haz." 

“Then we have nothing to worry about.” Harry smiles, small dimples appearing.

The waiter places their hot food in front of them, leaving them to their own enjoyment. 

Harry pops a fry in his mouth, “So, Louis and I are official.”    
  
Liam swats at Harry’s arm, making Harry laugh with his mouth closed. “Mate! How long ago?”   
  
Harry waves his hand in a circle, “Not long at all actually, just like yesterday?” 

“Have you guys… done it yet?” He raises his eyebrows. Harry swats at him this time, Liam giggling.

“No, Li. He doesn’t wanna do that yet. I can’t blame him.” He wipes his face with a napkin, only to have ketchup from his burger land on his cheek. “Bitch,” He whispers.

“Zayn and I haven’t done it either. We’ve barely even seen each other honestly.” Liam takes a small bite of his grilled cheese, “I’m happy though.” He says through a mouthful. 

Harry smiles at him with burger in his mouth. He swallows, “Good, good. That’s really good.”

“Zayn misses you.” Harry’s movements slow as he reaches for his water. Liam continues on, shoving one of Harry’s fries into his mouth. 

“Oh,” is all Harry says in response. 

“Why did you guys even fight? Z won’t tell me.” 

Harry shrugs as he leans back, letting his arm dangle over the back of the chair. “Just a disagreement. If he doesn’t want to tell you then I’m gonna respect that.”    
  
Liam glares at him, “Fine, fine. I trust you both to kiss and make up by the end of the break, though.” 

Harry rolls his eyes but the corner of his lips quirk, “Enough about me and my problems, how was Christmas with your family?”

Liam smiles ecstatically as they get into an easy conversation.

  
  


…

  
  
  


Harry and Louis enter the gate into Louis’ backyard. Louis lifts a green turtle and grabs a dirty golden key, placing it into the lock. The door opens with a small click.

“Okay, they should be out for a while.” Louis says, climbing the stairs. “Shit,” He stops halfway up and turns around, “Gotta get boxes from the basement. You can go up, maybe start folding my clothes.” He says, looking up at Harry with a sweet and persuading smile.

Harry rolls his eyes playfully, “You need to learn how to fold.”   
  
Louis giggles, “I do know how to fold, just don’t like it.” His voice trails as he descends down the staircase. 

Harry goes up to Louis’ room and he gasps. “Lou!”    
  
“What?” A voice beckons from below.

“You won’t need the boxes.”

Footsteps come running toward Harry, Louis mirroring Harry’s expression before placing his eyes into the room, eyes widening even more.

The walls of his room are bare, all his posters either torn and in a trash bag leaning against the wall or packed into the box labelled  **WALL DECO** . His closet doors are open, showing the emptiness of it. There’s five stacked boxes, all labelled  **CLOTHING** . 

They look to the left and see one box named  **MISC** . There’s even a box with  **GOODWILL** scribbled on top. 

Louis puts a hand over his mouth, “Holy shit.” 

Harry grabs Louis' hand that's closest to his, “This just makes it easier, okay?” 

“They barely waited to pack up all my stuff. They couldn’t even fucking bare to have my stuff in their fucking house.” Harry sees a fire ignite in Louis’ eyes. “It’s not like I’ve been living under this roof for 20 fucking years.”    
  
“Babe, calm d-”   
  
“The minute they found out, they all came up here and just packed it away.” He goes over to a box and rips it open. “All my trophies.” He looks at the sharpie inscribed on the box, “They were just gonna give these away?” His voice starts to break.

“Lou..." Harry says, sympathetically from the doorway. 

“They always said they were proud of me. For being the best on the football team. My dad would always say I had a mean dribble and knew how to knock someone down without getting called out.” He grabs a trophy and turns toward Harry. “They fucking displayed these for years.” A tear trickles down his cheek, either out of anger or sadness. “Years! But now, because they know I would rather fuck guys, I’m a fucking disappointment.” 

Harry walks over and gently grabs his shivering shoulders, “Lou, look at me.” Louis bites at his lip, looking down. "Lou, please." 

Louis looks up, eyes beginning to turn read. 

“You are fucking amazing. You earned those trophies no matter what. You shouldn't have to earn your parents love. They should just love you for you," A small sob cries from the smaller boy as Harry continues. "You have always been so fucking stubborn, trying to be the best at everything in school, but you shouldn't have to beg your parents to love you. That's insane."

"Parents shouldn't hate their kids because of who they love, but some do. But you are lucky that you have a way out, and you have people around you. You have Lottie, Niall," Harry hesitates, "You have me."  
  
Louis is sobbing now. He clashes into Harry, bringing him as close as possible. He’s still gripping the trophy in one hand but practically clawing at Harry's shirt. Harry wraps his arms around his neck, “I got you, Lou, I got you.” He whispers into his ear.   


After Louis calms down, they load all the boxes into Louis’ car. Once they go up for a final time, Louis stands in the middle of the room.

Harry watches him fondly from the doorway. He grips a box on his hips.

“You okay?”    
  
Louis looks around at the now empty room, besides the barren furniture. It looks brand new, like a teenage boy hadn't lived there for the past 7 years. 

“This is probably gonna be the last time I step foot in this room.” He laughs with no humor. “The room I’ve been living in my whole life.”    
  
Harry drops the box at the top of the stairs and goes to Louis, wrapping his arms over his shoulders, hands meeting in the middle of his chest. “That means you won’t step foot inside this homophobic, unaccepting household.” 

“At least they prepaid all four years of my college right?” He leans against Harry. 

He gives him a small kiss on the cheek, “Take as long as you want. I’ll be waiting for you in the car.” 

He gives him a kiss on the lips this time, before leaving the boy to take in his room one last time.


End file.
